I was in the hospital

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
I was in the hospital
7
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 5:02pm

Sorry everyone for my sudden absence the last two weeks but I was in the hospital. My depression got really bad along with paranoia, suicidality, and psychosis, so I went in the hospital. I was on the psych ward for 10 days. They changed my meds (added lamictal, a mood stabilizer) and so far so good. I was doing really well for the last three days of my stay but started to get depressed and overwhelmed as soon as I got home. I guess getting back to my todo list and the external stressors took its toll. I am doing everything in my power to stay well.


I'm back and ready to start posting. I hope all is well with everyone else.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:55pm

Hi Amanda,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 7:12pm

Thanks Lori.


It's good to be back. Thanks for your support.


Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 2:05pm

Hey Amanda...trigs, so don't read if u r not able!!!!

trigs, ed, depression...

trigs...

I wanted to post to you to welcome you back, but the posts on the BP board keep getting buried, so I knew I'd find you over here...I'm really glad to see you...I've missed you! I too was in the hospital, just got out a week ago...I was there a week. Stupid BP. I'm back on Lithium...and Topamax...for the weight stuff...before I went in, I'd basically stopped eating...and lost a bunch of weight...then in the psych ward, like you said, they almost force feed you, and I gained some...they watched me, so I couldn't P. And being on Lithium again at the same time, it was definitely not a good sign for my continuing to lose weight. I hated it. I begged them to let me stay on the Topamax, and thankfully they did. So I still haven't been able to lose the 7 pounds, but hopefully I will be able to.

I've also been depressed since...I started on Wellbutrin XL, 150 mgs. But its not working yet. Saw my regular pdoc this morning. No changes. Just having to wait it out. She said I have an amazing inner strength...that I get out of the hospital and go right back to work (i took one day off) and get back to my life...well, its because I have no other choice...I have to have a job, and honestly, I would be even MORE depressed at home...

My marriage is quite strained right now too...and I have TONS of money problems...I bought a car, pdocs say it was a manic thing...but I NEEDED a car...I guess the timing may have been a bit manic, cuz I really could not afford it right then and that's why I am now broke.

Anyway, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to go off on a tangent...I just wanted to say hello to you and update you a LITTLE bit. Forgive me. I miss you and think about you all the time.

I'll come here to check in with you and see how you are, okay? You hang in there...we can DO THIS! We ARE stronger than the disorder.

Love you so much!

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 4:20pm

If we were in the same city we could have been hospital rommates ha!


Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you. I have learned one thing this past year with all the med changes (and Wellbutrin was a good one) and that is that I do not do well on SSRIs. I am more likely to get manic with them and other than that they don't help my mood. So, serotonin is not my problem. There are two other neurotransmitters involved and thats dopamine and norepinephrine. Wellbutrin works on serotonin and one of those. So does the one that I'm on now (amitriptyline).


You are strong and I know that you don't feel like it sometimes but you are.


I'm right with you with the weight and ED issues. I have set myself a caloric minimum but I won't mention what it is so as to trigger. I was trying to stay below half of that, but if I'm going to get better I need to get used to eating more. I am

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 12:29pm
Hi, Schitz. Take care of yourself. If you need to take it easy and put off the to do list for a few days, go ahead. I hope you feel better gradually and have some more really good days soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 1:04pm

Thanks ((((blue))))


I am trying to tackle things one at a time and not beat myself up for the things I didn't do but instead give myself a pat on the back for the things that I did do. That's really hard for me. I guess I have really high expectations of myself.


Hugs,

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 1:11pm

I'm the same way. I realized that my to-do list will never end though. Even if I finish it for one day the next day or so something else will pop up. So I try to look at it as, I have years to do most of this stuff so I can procrastinate if I need to rest. And for some things I ask someone else to do it, some things I decide not to do at all, and that only leaves a few crucial things like wishing my best friend happy birthday and grocery shopping, etc.

You seem really busy with all the things you are doing in your life. You have a lot to be proud of.