Not dealing well with stress & change
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| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 4:27pm |
I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and I've taken all kinds of different anti-depressants: Zoloft, Prozac, Trazodone, Lexapro, Effexor. None of them have really seemed to help me very much, but I've always been able to keep my suicidal thoughts under control. Lately, though, I've just been feeling really hopeless and anxious.
I recently admitted to my parents that I am probably gay, or at least bisexual, and that I have a girlfriend. They were willing to meet my girlfriend, which was wonderful, but they were pretty weirded out about the idea of two girls in a romantic relationship together. I really want their approval, so this has been really hard for me. I'm also going to graduate from college in a couple of months, so I need to figure out where I'll be living. I really don't want to go back home to live with my parents, especially under the present circumstances. I applied to two graduate schools, but I'm not sure whether or not I've been accepted to either one yet, so that is very nerve racking. I guess that I just have a lot on my plate lately, and I feel sometimes as though things are out of control. Also, my relationship with my girlfriend is a long distance one since she lives in the south right now, and I'm farther up north. Eventually, one of us is going to have to move if we want to stay together, which is putting some stress on the relationship. It's a very hard decision to make because someone is going to have to move 1000 miles away to a completely new place.
So that is basically what is going on with me. I don't handle stress or change very well, and I just wanted to be in a place with other people who understand, so I was very happy to find this message board. I hope that all of you are doing well. Any suggestions or comments on my situation are welcome.

Hi Pink!
Welcome. I am also terrible at dealing with change- I hate it. It's scary and stressful becuase it's the unknown. However change is the only way we can learn and grow. Sometimes changes are for the best, and sometimes it seems worse at first but it's a necessary step to get to a better life in the long run.
Think of life like you're standing in the middle of a map with roads reaching in all directions. Some parts of the map are amazing places where you'll be really happy, but in order to get to those you might have to travel the difficult roads that aren't so fun or easy. You could just sit down and stay in the same spot, but then you know you'll never see those wonderful places and moments that only await you if you try.
Coming out must be hard. I found out that one of my closest friends was gay when we were about 21. From my perspective, I mainly wanted reasurrance that it wouldn't change anything and she still loved me as much as ever, and always would, and not replace me with her new girlfriend. I also wanted her to talk to me about everything like we always did. I'm sure it's different with parents though. However give them lots of time to adjust and in the meantime you might have to expect them to be awkward, nervous, maybe even a little prejudiced until they get used to the idea. Expect it to take time- and be patient. When my friend came out it was surprising and confusing but I love her and feel the same about her as I always did. This happened years ago and we're still true friends.
Expect this to be hard, expect it to be scary, but also expect that you can and will get through it, and in a few months your new life will seem more and more comfortable to you. If you have to go back and live with your parents it's at least an option and it may end up giving you a chance to face this now instead of putting it off. Focus on the fact that you have a home to go to, even though it's not your first choice, it's still a blessing.
Edited 3/9/2006 12:33 pm ET by bluerains
Hi Pink and welcome (back? Did you post here before or am I thinking of someone else perhaps? At any rate, welcome--lol!)
You sure do have a lot going on and it's not surprising that you are feeling very stressed and perhaps "wanting out!" It is very hard to be "different"--and when it comes to revealing sensitive issues to our parents that makes it even harder! (I have some personal understanding of this because my partner is a woman and she lives in Canada while I live here in the States.) Try to remember however that most parents ultimately just want the best for their kids. And for the older generation this can be a very difficult topic to deal with. They wonder "Where did I go wrong? What about marriage and grandchildren, etc." It is, in a sense the death of a dream for them--a very specific dream with specific "players" and so it will take time for them to become accustomed to the fact that not only has the dream changed but the "players" have too!
You definately do have a lot on your plate.
The only thing that I've learned to do is take one thing at a time and try not to worry about anything but that one thing at the moment.
Good luck with the grad school apps, and
Coming out is pretty hard. I'm 22, so I'm pretty much the same age that your friend was. I imagine that it does come as a shock to my parents after all these years of me parading boyfriends around trying to hide who I really am. I guess in some ways they probably feel like I haven't been honest with them all these years, but my parents are pretty hard people to tell the truth to. I just wish that I had a stronger support system. I have a few good friends, but I have trouble really getting close to anyone.
I'm glad that you and your best friend are still friends. My girlfriend's best friend won't even talk to her anymore because of me. She's so jealous of me, and she hates me even though she has never even met me or talked to me. I never wanted my girlfriend to be in a situation where she had to choose between me and her best friend. It's been really awful for her.
Well, I need to go get some reading done for my classes. Thanks for your awesome advice.
You are right - I did used to post here. It's nice to see you again. I'm really pleased that you are still a CL here. You always gave me a great advice, and this time is no exception. I'm glad that you are still with your partner in Canada. I remember you talking about her. I'm so glad that I've finally had the courage to start up a relationship with another girl, because it's really what I want, even if other people disapprove.
I'll keep you posted on what's going on. I'm going to get some reading done for classes and then maybe head over to the dining hall for some food. I hope that you are having a great day.
"My girlfriend's best friend won't even talk to her anymore because of me. She's so jealous of me, and she hates me even though she has never even met me or talked to me. I never wanted my girlfriend to be in a situation where she had to choose between me and her best friend. It's been really awful for her."
Pink,
I never actually told my friend, I'll call her A, that I'm jealous of her girlfriend. I don't want to put her in the middle. If someone is a real true friend they won't abandon someone just because they have a new girlfriend or boyfriend, etc. So maybe that girl wasn't such a great friend.
It is odd becuase I'm not jealous of my freind's boyfriends, because as a girl I have things to offer that they can't- such as understanding them more. However, when A realized she was gay and found a girlfriend, I was nervous becuase she could possibly replace me in a way no boyfriend ever could. However, I wasn't going to help that along by being rude to her girlfriend in any way. I just have to live with my insecurity and not punish others for it. It's really interesting for me to read your posts because I'm hearing it from the other side, and I can be more honest because I don't have to hide my less noble feelings.
Thanks pinkstar. The same goes for you. I am always here to listen when you need to talk too.
Hope you have a wonderful day,