Asked to be maid of honor- scared
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| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 11:47am |
My oldest friend asked me to her maid of honor when she gets married in June. But the wedding is across the country, on the other coast, and I'm full of anxiety over if I can do it. Also it will be very expensive- the wedding's in San Francisco and the cheapest roundtrip nonstop flight I can find is about $380pp. The hotel seems to be over $100/night. But I want to go, and would feel so guilty about saying no.
I'm so scared over traveling so far- maybe alone- and also being maid of honor. I'm social phobic, and don't think I can do the maid of honor duties such as organizing a bridal shower from across the country. In fact being social phobic I'd be scared to be maid of honor if the wedding was in my own backyard. But I know my friend will be so hurt if I say no.
The wedding is during Gay Pride Week- which means there will be tons of tourists in the city, making it even more stressful and scary (and costly.)
I'm so anxious and tense over this. To top it off, my dad is mad at me becuase there is a family reunion during the same time period, which is five hours away. I told my Dad I can't go to the reunion becuase it would be too much travel, and my parents are hurt that I am choosing friends over family- as they see it.
Also I'm looking for a job and if I'm going on vacation in June will they hire me?
But this friend is very important to me, and I love her. I haven't seen her in four years becuase she lives so far away. I don't want to let her down.
Edited 3/30/2006 1:05 pm ET by bluerains

Hi Blue,
Lori (who is much smarter than I) has said it all. All I can add is, take one thing at a time. Looking at all these anxiety producing events at the same time will triple the anxiety.
Like Lori said, and I believe to be true, once the inital anxiety wears off you'll likely have a good time seeing your old friend.
To: All
I'm researching airlines, hotels, etc. today and my anxiety is going through the roof.
It's a Catch 22 for me: if I stay home all the time except for grocery shopping and my part time job, I'm calmer but I feel so bored and unfulfilled. At those times I'm depressed. But when I try to do something new, here comes the anxiety and fear and I feel worse in a different way.
Today I got hot flashes from anxiety, and also sore, tense muscles and shaking.
I wish I were normal. Most people would be excited and happy to be maid of honor and fly across the country. But I'm a nervous wreck at the very thought.
Edited 3/30/2006 9:11 pm ET by bluerains
Hi Blue,
Thank you Lori. Both you and Amanda are always very helpful- it's good to know that two people understand and care!
I think what scares me the most is spending time with lots of people- being a wedding I expect a big group. And I've never met my friend's girlfriend, although we talked briefly on the phone a few times. Being social in groups of people other than family is a major trigger for me. I only like to be with one person at a time, two at the most, and meeting large groups of strangers at once is the scariest.
I'm worried that my friend won't understand if I freeze up or need lots of time alone becasue I've gotten worse since the last time she's seen me and she may interpret it as me ignoring her and her friends.
I had a terrible experience once where I went to my first best friend's birthday party, I'll call her AA. I was so scared I couldn't talk the whole time. They all thought I was wierd and I could hear them whispering about me. I was nervously pulling on my hair, and when we were eating lunch all of them looked at each other and started copying me, pulling on thier hair too, then they burst out laughing, and AA did it too! It was horrible. She did'nt understand at all, she thought I was purposely ignoring her and her friends, and after that party we never talked again.
I am worried something similar will happen again since my friend the bride is very social, has never quite understood my social anxiety, and I've gotten worse since the last time I've seen her. However if I don't go she'll also be very hurt. It's a Catch-22. I have tried to talk to her about this in the past, and she said I need to break out of my shell and talk to people more, etc. I don't think anyone can understand severe social phobia unless they have it too.
Amanda,
You and Lori are both smart, helpful and needed here! It's good to get advice from two CLs and also good to have different styles.
Hi Blue,
co-cl of the Self-Injury