Hi all...new here with a question (Trig)
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| Sat, 04-22-2006 - 12:53pm |
Hi, I'm new here and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Renee, and I was diagnosed with Bipolar about a year ago. I have also suffered from anxiety/depression for about 10 years. I feel like my Pdoc has finally got my meds right, but the anxiety and stress is killing me. I have 5 kids, and they keep me very busy! I feel stressed all the time, and can't seem to get suicidal thoughts out of my head. I also SI by cutting, and that has increased more and more lately. My question: When do you know it's time to admit yourself to the hospital? I've never attempted suicide, but have played around with the idea. I've taken 10 xanax before, but all that did was make me really sleepy. I just don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
~Renee

Hi Renee and welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us and shared a bit about yourself and though I'm sorry you are in pain, I'm grateful for the opportunity you gave us to explore that topic: "How do you know it's time to admit yourself to the hospital?" Although I'm sure the answers vary depending on who's doing the answering, I'll share my perspective if I may?
I suffered from PTSD, Major Depression, Panic Disorder and suicidal ideation for a number of years. But for most of those years, I hid it quite well--I worked, spent time with family and friends, kept very busy, etc. A few people knew I felt depressed from time to time but I tried hard to portray the image of "everything's fine!" And it worked--for the longest time!
For me, hospitalization first occured about 13 yrs ago and I had several different hospitalizations--the most recent being in 2002. The "turning points" in each of those hospitalizations were: an inability to function well anymore, (called in sick to work a lot, isolated, just "didn't care."), and the sense that I could no longer be safe with myself. I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't self injure (normally I COULD do that), and my thoughts of self harm became more and more frequent. I'd usually "let it go" for a while...start out by telling my therapist or another support person, they'd ask if I needed to be in the hospital, I'd say emphatically "NO!" But it got to the point when even I knew (often earlier than I'd let on) that was where I was going to end up!
Lori, thank you sooo much for your post. It has helped answer so many questions for me. I lost my job back in July due to calling in too much. I am a pediatric respiratory therapist, and it is a very stressful job. I love it, but it's something I can't deal with right now. I'm home full time with my kids. You asked about their ages...I have a daughter 16, another one who just turned 14, a son 12, and two 3 year olds (5 months apart). They are both adopted from Guatemala. So...as you can see...my house can be full of stress, and it usually is!! I am so glad I have found this board, because I really need it right now. I have also posted on the Bipolar board and SI board. Thanks again for your reply. I really do appreciate it. If you don't mind, could I ask you about what it's like to be in the hospital? Honestly, it really scares me. I just think about movies I've seen, and it really freaks me out. I think to myself...what if they won't let me out once I get there! I know there have been times lately that I should have gone, but my fears kept me from it.
Renee
Hi Renee,
Hi Renee and welcome to the board.
I agree with what Lori said, and would just like to add my hospital story for the record.
I went in on a Friday with depression, suicidal ideation and a plan, and psychosis. I went through EPT/EPAU (Emergency Psychiatric Treatment/Emergency Psychiatric Assesment Unit) after talking to a triage nurse. In EPT I talked to a nurse and then a social worker or psychologist, then a MD and finally the on call psychiatrist. Finally they "form 1"ed me, which meant I couldn't leave the hospital for 72 hrs because I had a plan to harm myself.
So I finally got to the ward...it was the weekend so I saw an on-call psychiatrist. Monday I saw my own psychiatrist and saw her every day after that. I basically slept, ate, exercised and smoked. They played with my meds and added a new one, but other than that I was pretty free to do whatever I wanted on the ward. It wasn't all locked down. I wasn't restrained. There were no padded rooms and straight jackets (at least not for me and not that I saw). I never got ECT, although one of the people on the ward did and it helped him tremendously. It's not all scary like on tv. They aesthetize you and everything.
Eventually I got off-ward privledges, so I could go for coffee with my friends or whatever I wanted.
Visiting hours were 2-8pm, but once you got off-ward privledges you could just go out with your visiteors.
I had a great roommate and met a bunch of nice people. We all seemed pretty normal and unthreatening for the most part.
Well that's my experience.
co-cl of the Self-Injury
Thank you both so much for sharing your hospital experiences. The unknown scares me a lot, and it really helps reading about your hospital stays. Sunday was a terrible day for me. My DH went to church, and I just couldn't get out of bed. He took the kids with him, and I left him a note telling him I needed him to stay home from work that night or he would be coming home, because I would be calling 911. I have never been that bad before...it really frightened me. Believe it or not...my DH said he couldn't take off from work, because somebody was on vacation!!! I could not believe it! I told him if I slit my wrists he would sure come home then. I was just so irritated with him that it took my mind off everything else. I made it through the night...even without cutting. Monday morning I woke up feeling fine. It's so weird. I've never had my moods change so quickly. Today has been a good day too. Once again, I just wanted to thank you both! Now I know sorta what to expect if I do need to be hospitalized.
Take care,
Renee
co-cl of the Self-Injury