Creating love and joy in your life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Creating love and joy in your life
8
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 1:30pm

May have triggers!

I just turned 27 recently, and to celebrate I planned a trip to Mystic, CT. I always try to make my birthday special...I won't wait around for someone else to plan it and then pout when no one does. OK, I did that a few times...and then I learned!

I really felt loved and appreciated this year, more than I have in a long time. I got 13 birthday cards, 5 phone calls, and several emails and ecards. I felt so loved. Many times I don't feel appreciated, and it was really good to see that I am, and all the love I send out does come back to me- only you can't predict when or how.

What goes around really does come around. Sometimes mental illness can lead to self aborbtion. I would prefer to isolate myself all the time. because it's EASIER. But you have to understand that it took years to build the relationships with the people who sent me those cards...and now I see that it's been worth it.

In order to get love and joy, you have to send some around. And not just to your kids or good friends and people who remind you of yourself. Try being kind to strangers, people you don't like, and people you don't understand....you may be surprised at the result.

And if you think my life must be really easy if I can say this and I don't understand...it's not. I have health, money, career, and family problems. Every day I wish I was dead, because life has been painful and hard. I'm a rape and sexual abuse survivor, and that's only one of my challenges. I have chronic depression and anxiety that I suspect is genetic. It is hard for me to even get up in the morning. But I try very hard to improve my life so I can be happy...and that's the only way I ever will be. You can't sit around and wait for the meds or your therapist or family to save you. It will never be enough. Sure you need some or even all those things to help out...but if you aren't willing to do the hard work and effort, nothing will ever change.

I hope everyone on this board finds peace and happiness, but in the end it is up to you.




Edited 4/25/2006 1:55 pm ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 4:07pm
Thank you for your inspiring post. Keep reaching out to those around you. You know that isolating will only make things worse in the end.
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co-cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 4:22pm

Hi Blue,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 3:22pm

Thanks Lori and Schitz.

I am sort of feeling foolish for my cheery post though becuase today I feel really bad...I couldn't get out of bed though I am forcing myself to go to work tonight.

I have a huge to do list and it's so inconvienent when you can't get out of bed...and nothing gets done except the basics. Also I wonder if I'm just lazy and fooling myself...after all, I'm lying in bed all day and still exhausted!

I am getting ready for work now. At least I can do that...but I have so many important things on my to do list that I have been procastinating becusae I have no energy. One day it will catch up to me, I worry about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 5:38pm

Don't feel foolish for having a cheery post one day and be down the next. It happens. It's happened to me just recently. Sorry that you were having trouble forcing yourself out of bed, but I take it you made it to work. How did you feel once you got working?


The biggest things with todo lists is they can be overwhelming. So, set yourself a goal to do one thing off the list. Prioritize them and do the most important first. If that motivates you to continue great, but if not, you still accomplished one thing. Don't forget to pat youself on the back for those little achievements. They aren't so little when you can't get out of bed.


Hugs and strength,

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co-cl of the Self-Injury

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 8:58pm

Yes, I went to work and felt tired but good that I did it. I always go to work becuase I only work 8 or 16 hours a week. I do feel ashamed at the idea that most people work so much more than me, and accomplish so much with their lives and time, and I'm spending most of my life in bed!

I am a turtle, living in a society of energizer bunnies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 5:09pm

You're not the only turtle in a world of energizer bunnies. Many of us (larger proportion than you would imagine) have trouble keeping up with the world. I believe that it is estimated that 1 in 5 people will have mental illness at some point in their life. That's 20% of the population that cannot always keep up with the pace of the world. Add to that those with physical ailments and I bet that number doubles or even triples. It's just that we hide out behind the scenes so it is not what people see when they look at the world and the workforce.


Good for you for working as much as you are. I'm not even working that much right now. I've been off work since last August.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 10:16am

But you're in school, and that's work! You are making progress in the world of career goals.

I wish I was rich enough to be a total recluse, Ithink if I could live life in my own way instead of constantly forcing myself to adapt and fit in to the work world and outside world, I would not have this anxiety problem. 90% of my anxiety comes from forcing myself to deal with people, and the harsh world, when I'm much happier living in a world of my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 2:51pm

Yes, school is work, and that's why I'm not working right now. I'm also not taking a full course load. Even in my "work" I can't keep up with the so-called normal people.


I too have anxiety in social situations, dealing with people, for example. It is a hard skill. Don't think that the whole world gets it. Some people are more adept at social functioning, but not everyone. I discussed this with my pdoc this week and she said to write down my social blunders and we can work on changing them. So change is possible. Maybe this is something you'd like to address with your p/tdoc. Or even just share them here and I will let you know what I learn as it happens.

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Amanda