Feel so bad, guilty
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| Fri, 04-28-2006 - 4:40pm |
I feel terrible, I just told my best friend I can't come to her wedding becuase it's too expensive since she lives across the country. She asked me to be her maid of honor, and I let her down. I struggled with this choice for over a month. Either choice seemed bad.
I only work 8 or 16 hours per week, and DH only has a 3 month temp job. So even though technically we can afford it if I took money out of the bank, we don't have enough money coming in so we may need that money for rent in a few months- but I still feel cheap and guilty.
And I know part of it is my severe anxiety- fear of travel, fear of airplanes, fear of meeting new people- I tried to overcome it and I can't.
DH said to go, so that makes me feel even more guilty. But DH never worries about money like I do.
I feel like a bad friend. But I told her, if her wedding was in my state I would be there! It's just the travel.
Actually, I didn't talk to her in person- I left a voice mail- so I don't even know what she thinks. And I feel sick becuase I know I probably hurt her and let her down. She means so much to me and I really want to be there but I can't.
I'm not sure how much it would cost in all, but by my research I'm guessing it would be at least $800- because it's five and a half hours away by plane, and the tickets are expensive. Plus hotel, might need taxis, a ride to and from the airport here, and food and any fun things we would do there- it could end up being even more than $800. And I only make $62/week, so... it was such a hard choice.
Edited 4/28/2006 4:45 pm ET by bluerains

Hi Blue,
Lori,
I can't figure out for sure if I'm doing it becuase of logic or fear- I'm really confused about this. I know I'm really scared...and that clouds everything.
Try not to feel guilty over this. I know it is hard, but it is not possible for you to fulfill that obligation. My friend is in a very similar situation. She lives in ontario and her friend in minnisota asked her to be a bridesmaid.
Sometimes we can't do what we'd love to do. I'm sure you would love to do this if you could. Send your best wishes and love to your friend and try to be gentle with yourself. It's okay for you to feel this way.
Update:
My friend understood and was good about it. I'm very relieved.