thanks.. TRIGS !!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
thanks.. TRIGS !!!!!!!!!!
9
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 6:51pm
Just wanted to say Thanks you to you all and that you trying to help me is appreciated but now it is time for me to leave, Bye Lori, Amanda, Keli, and everyone else you all have been in my hearts for a while now and I feel as if I know you all. Tired of all the ups and downs cant take blowing up at ppl anymore for no reasons or bawling for no reason I am weak.
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:47pm

Hi Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 9:25am

Mary,

There is still hope- the right doctor, or treatment, is out there and one day they may even invent some new treatments- perhaps soon- that work really well without so many side effects. It's a medical problem, and I think that is the hardest to deal with- health is so important but so rare- and it's so hard to feel awful all the time.

But if you can, try to hold on in the hopes that you will feel better one day...but only if you can endure this first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 9:57am

well I went to bed and was planning my suicide and told myself that if I feel the same way then I would go throught with it, well the good Lord knew how I was feeling so I guess you could say he gave me a boost and I today isnt as bad as yesterday, granted I still feel bad but I was able to make a appointment with my T so her and I can talk. I just feel I cant trust my DH he lied to me many times b4 and he lied to me about something that meant a lot to me he has porn magazines and I cant stand that I feel as if he looks at those women and wishes he had someone that beautiful and skinny with the perfect body, but I found them and he was pose to have gotten rid of them, needless to say he hasnt gotten rid of them matter of fact he bought more like we can afford that crap. I didnt say anything to him bc wats the point he never does what he says he's going to do.
getting off of the reason why I am posting today, sorry.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 9:58am
I feel a bit better today, jsut wanted to let you know
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 11:59am

Hi Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 2:03pm
I honestly dont know what happened to me yesterday I found the porn last night, and I do agree with you it degrades us as women and I do love my DH and he normally is good to me but there are times that he can be a total Jack-ass.I told my T that I found porn and that I was suicidal yesterday and last night, but out plan is still to take the medicine and see if it works, I only hope it does bc I am tired of these feeking I have
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 2:13pm

My DH looks at porn too and he says he's addicted to it. He's in 12 step groups and thinking of therapy about it. He does it when he's upset or stressed because he doesn't know how to cope.

It hurts me too, but he told me that it has nothing to do with me- he could be married to the most gorgeous woman in the world and he would still have the urge to look at porn, he said. He thinks I'm beautiful and he loves my body but he can't or won't stop the porn.

We had so many fights over it and I cried so many times. Finally I tried to step back and let him work it out with his therapist but it's definately not one of his best points, LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 4:38pm
my DH wont even think about going to T he says he doesnt need to, I know he is addicted to it and I hate it bc the way I see it if he wants bad enough to stop he can do it, I thik it is just plain gross and I will not beable to talk to him for some time now bc I am so hurt bc he lied to me.
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 5:20pm

Mary,


I am so sorry that I wasn't here when you needed me most, but I am so busy and only at school two days a week, so that's all the computer time I get. I'm glad that you are still with us and that you made an appointment with your tdoc. I agree that finding porn in the house can be very triggering, although sex is always a touchy subject with me.


Can't wait to hear from you again. I'll try to slip into school before my group tomorrow and check in again.


Hugs,

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Amanda