a vent post.
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| Thu, 05-25-2006 - 12:07pm |
I think this is a good post but I have been wrong b4 lol.
I have been up for over 24 hours now so please excuse me if I dont make a lot of sense, things are going pretty good for me, I have a friend who is starting to treat me real different and she is just rubbing me the wrong way, luckily I still have my best friend who I consider to be my sister. I am struggling with my weight issues I have been taking a lot of diuretics which is the reason I am not sleeping and if I am not able to lose some weight soon I am going to be taking other stuff also, I hate the way I look and I cant fit into any of my clothes anymore, I dont have my scales anymore so I dont know how much I have gained but I do know it is alot.
DH and I have been drifting apart bc of the porn I asked him why he had to look at them and he said it was a replacement for what he is lacking in the bedroom, so in other words he is saying that it is ok for him to look at another naked woman and not think twice about it, I think it is so degrading to us women in general and it is very hurtful especially hwen he said it is a replacement, too me he is saying that I look aweful and he wants to look at someone who is skinny and beautiful, sure in the hell isnt me, men are total jerks.
talked to my mom a lil bit and it went good, my dads health isnt good at all, so I worry about him and how much time I have with him but I actually dont have time with my dad I cant talk to my dad bc of my nephew and I just cant talk on the phone with him.
DD and I have our days it seems like I take all my frustrations out on her adn I feel as if I have to be this perfect parent to my children and I know that is impossible but I have to try, and when DD and I get into fights I feel as if I have failed as being a mom, I feel judged my my one friend named Kathy, she has told my DD to her face that I am irresponsible, and my DD has come home crying to me, yes I am irresponsible but I am trying to be the best mom I can be with wat I know, my mom wasnt tha most loving mother in the world. I guess I have failed at everything I have ever done according to this friend or so called friend.

Hi Mary,
I don't like to hear the way your eating seems to be going. If you want to lose weight, you have to do it in a safe way and abusing laxatives, diet pills and diuretics are not
I know I am not as responsible as I " think " I should be but I am only human and as I see it I cant be all that irresponsible bc my children are all healthy, it just bothers me that this one so called friend says bad things about me in front of my children, I already have a troubled relationship with my dd, and having to hear that her mom is not responsible is just adding to it. Her kids think that she is perfect and here I am in my kids' eyes is a total screw up that doesnt take very good care of them.
I flat out asked my DH why he goes and buys the porn and he told me that he uses the porn for what he is not getting from me, his exact words were "it is my replacement for what I am lacking" so to me he is replacing me with some other woman/women that has a great body. I told DH what it does to my eating disorder but it doesnt matter I guess as long as he is happy.
Weekend is not going well at all had to take my cat to the vet and leave him there until tomorrow ( nothing serious ). DH left me here with the kids while he goes out with his friend but I am not sure if he is really with his friend or maybe he is cheating, he has never cheated on me b4, but my head tells me stuff and I believe it, have a busy weekend really graduation and wedding all in one day so have to go to 1 then leave there and go to the other one.
Not sleeping much at all I am up for about 36 hours then I sleep for about 6 so that doesnt help with the depression or the bad stuff my head tells me.
Hope your weekend goes well and take care
Mary
the only way I can l;ose weight is to abuse those things I have a thyroid condition and losing weight just isnt a thing that I can do, I have to really starve myself for days b4 I can lose any weight, and I have to in order for me to feel good about my body image so my DH will stop buying porn. Couseling with him wont work he refuses each and everytime I bring it up to him.buying porn is bc of me he said it is bc he is lacking things from me
DDand I have never been able to get along to well, the first 2 years of her life I was in and out of the hospitals due to my many attempts and my brain bleed and stroke so her and I didnt get to bond and when I was able to take care of her I wasnt allowed to disipline her bc of my MIL but since she has passed away ( 6 years now ) I have been able to disipline her as I see fit and usually it is taking her TV away from her. I tap their bottoms ( which doesnt hurt them they laugh at me and tell me it didnt hurt, and I have to tell htem I didnt want it to hurt I wanted to get their attention, lol)
hope your weekend goes well and you have fun at wat ever you do .
Mary
((((Mary))))
I'm sorry to hear that you have thyroid problems that interfere with weight loss. Still there has to be a healthier way to deal with weight loss. Talk to your dr about it. I know you feel that those extreme behaviours are the only way to go, but believe me, it's not worth it to put your body in jeopardy like that. I have issues with food too, and am now dealing with the effects of long term restriction. My digestion doesn't work well, my metabolism is very slowed down (which makes losing weight harder), My skin and hair are dry and unhealthy, generally my body is shutting down. It is only performing the basic functions like keeping my heart beating and myself breathing. Laxatives can make your body dependant on them, and that's no fun. It can make digestion and elimination very uncomfortable. Plus you don't really lose any weight from them, it's weight you would lose through normal elimination processes anyway. Your weight will fluctuate depending on whether you have had a movement and that is normal. It is better to look at the long term trend of weight than look at it every day. The same goes for water retention and diuretics. They don't really result in any weight loss except from water, which naturally will fluctuate as well. Diet pills can be so bad for you too, especially if you don't take them as directed, but even if you do they can interfere with your thyroid, heart, liver and kidneys. Again, long term permanent damage that will not help your body any.
I don't know what to suggest as far as DH. It is not an easy thing to change, especially trying to change someone else, and that can't happen unless they want to change anyway. It appears at this point that DH does not want to change and I don't think you can force him too. Hopefully that time will come in the future and if you can't get counselling together you will at least deal with your own feelings with regard to this in therapy.
I'm sorry to hear that you don't get along with DD. I hope that will change with time. How old is she? I'm sure you are doing the best that you can in that department and you are a better mother than you know.
edit: p.s. I hope you don't think I'm lecturing or preaching to you. You can tell me to shut up and mind my own business if you want.
"My skin and hair are dry and unhealthy,"
Hi Schitz,
Have you tried using olive oil in your diet? I use it all the time, and I've heard it's very healthy. I go through a bottle pretty quick. I use Bertolli extra light, because it doesn't have that strong icky taste, it has a very mild flavor. I've read that olive oil is good for dry skin/hair.
I make my own salad dressing with olive oil, herbs, and different kinds of vinegar. I also use it to sautee veggies, and I toss baked veggies in it. I feel like it's so much healthier than using butter.
Mary,
I'm sorry you have thyroid problems too. I can only imagine, how hard it must be to deal with that. It's not your fault though, it could strike anyone. I don't know what causes thyroid but I hope scientists will invent a new cure soon... I'm sure they must be working on it, since a lot of people have it. Hopefully they will understand it better and find a treatment that works.