Irritated at DH

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Irritated at DH
5
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 8:36pm

I just found out that my DH is sleeping over his parent's house again. They live an hour an a half away, and are moving. He has been over there almost every other weekend for the past two months, sorting through the stuff he stores there for the move, and he always ends up sleeping over.

I think it's wrong for a married man to be sleeping at his parents house so often without his wife. I really think he's tied to his parents apron strings. If it's not one thing, it's another. Meanwhile he's sleeping there tonight and I'm alone with no one to kiss me goodnight. Grrr.

And he thinks nothing of it, he thinks it's normal for a 36 year old married man to be sleeping over his parents house without his wife whenever they feel like it. I am feeling pretty insecure, I don't do this becuase I would miss him- but he doesn't miss me.

I understand he has to help them with the move but come on, does he have to sleep over for the third time in two months? Please! I don't go with him becuase I have a strained history with my inlaws and although we get along politely now, I don't want to push it.

It also tells me that my inlaws don't respect me or our marraige becuase they are always asking him to sleep over- without me- whenever they feel like it. I wonder how my MIL would like it if her DH did that to her? Somehow, I can't see it happening...

I'm really angry and upset. And I feel like DH doesn't love me as much as I love him. And I feel like he loves his parents more than he loves me. Because he jumps at their every invitation, and doesn't seem to mind spending weekend after weekend apart so he can be with his parents. And he works one weekend a month, so it's not like I see him all that much anyway. And next weekend, he's going to be away for the weekend at work for 3 days- he won't be home at night- so when is it my turn? The weekend after that, I work on Saturday. I'm really sick of this. His parents want him around all the time and he can't jump fast enough when they ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: bluerains
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 12:48am

Hi Blue,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: bluerains
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:07am

Thanks Lori. I have asked him this, and he says he has so much to do with his parents that he can't do it all in one day. He is still there now, who knows when they will show up...and his parents are coming with him. Yes, you heard that right. They will be coming with him when he comes back.

I think it's codependence between the three of them. When I met DH he was living at home. He always lived with them unless he was in school or far away with the army. The three of them- him and his parents- spent ALL their free time together- I should have seen that was a red flag.

And my MIL acted jealous of me and the time we spent together, she seemed to resent it. Another red flag.

They do invite me too, but I don't want to be over there all the time either! My own family is a lot more independent, and they also live farther away (three hours).

When I try to tell DH I feel smothered by his family and this isn't normal, he gets either angry and defensive or acts confused and says it's totally normal and he is just close to his parents. Close is one thing, joined at the hip is another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
In reply to: bluerains
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 3:15pm

((((Blue))))


Sorry to hear about this. It is good that he has a good relationship with his parents, but sucks that that takes away from your relationship. Believe me I don't think he loves you any less. He probably feels that this is something that he has to do. I'm in much the same situation with stuff at both my parents' places that I have to go through and I'd stay there too, mind you I'm not in a relationship.


Have you confronted DH about this? He may not even know how it makes you feel. That may not change his behaviour but will at least make him more aware of your relationship and feelings.


Don't know what else to say, but (((hugs)))

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: bluerains
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 10:20am

Thanks Schitz.

He ended up coming back with his parents around 4 pm Sunday. Then on Monday he was too exhausted to do anything with me...this happens all the time.

This weekend, he's got a three day drill- for the army- they'll be in the field, that means camping I think, and I know he'll be beyond exhausted when he comes back. And I'm worried about him getting sick becuase it's way too hot to be camping.

I just wish we saw each other more. I asked my best friend if she wanted to get together this weekend, because she's visitng her mom in CT, but she said she might have other plans! She is still three hours away from me so I can't just drop by for an hour...

I like being alone but I end up being alone way too much. Every seems to be so busy all the time. When I call people, sometimes I try calling three or four people and none of them answer the phone. It seems like everyone has a busy life except me, and they have no time for me and I have too much time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
In reply to: bluerains
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 4:37pm
I'm sorry to hear that you are alone so much and that you don't get to see DH as much as you want. I can't think of anything to suggest. Circumstaces, it seems, just get in the way. Hopefully after his parents' move things will get better.

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Amanda