Silent treatment from best friend
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| Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:16am |
Well, I still haven't talked to ""Amy". As I posted before, I sent her an email about some worries I have about her and the choices she's making lately. She then sent me a very cold, brief reply. I then sent her four long, emotional, caring, explanations of why I wrote what I did, my thoughts, feelings, how much I care about her, etc.
I even got in touch with her mom to ask if she was OK. And her mom told her that I did, and that I was really worried and upset over not hearing from her.
Since then, she's only sent me one really brief email, over a week ago. It was a "just wanted to say hi" but it was pretty detached, like something you would send an aquaintance. Worst of all, she didn't even mention any of the things I had talked about, my feelings, or any of the issues I brought up, at all! I never replied to that because I don't know what to say to "hi" at this point.
I know it's partly pride that I'm not calling her, but partly it's that she's showing me how little she values my feelings and our friendship. Like I said before, she JUST got the silent treatment from her bf, and she told me it was the meanest and coldest thing you can do to someone. And then she turns around and does it to me?
I don't want to keep chasing her down. If four messages were not enough to get a decent response, I'm not going to keep contacting her again and again with no answer.
I know it may seem cold that I sent an email instead of saying it in person, but I have actually said these things to her on the phone several times over the past year. (We have a long distance friendship...9 hours apart...so I couldnt do it in person.) And she doesn't seem to listen. So I felt like if talking does not work, maybe writing it down will. Yes, it worked...to destroy our friendship.
I would never have done this to her or any of my friends. My god, my two other good friends have given me constructive criticism many times. If your best friend can't be honest with you, who can? And it's not like I just came out with this, I waited for two years for her to make changes on her own- and she didn't, she just keeps doing the same thing even though it always makes her unhappy. Yes, I agree that her bf is a cold jerk, but if she won't leave him, she'll never be happy and she's the one who chooses to go back to him over and over again. I don't know why she thinks this time he will make her happy when he has never done it before. I don't want to see her stuck in the same spot five or ten years from now. I mean, if your best friend doesn't notice you've been stuck in the same spot for two years, who will?
It's not me being judgemental. If she was with this jerk but she was happy, I would be happy with it, I wouldn't care. But she herself keeps telling me that she's unhappy, she wants to leave him, but....there's always a but. It's the same thing with the job issue. I've been job seeking for two years, I KNOW how hard it is to find a good job. I only work part time because I can't find a better job yet (despite trying very hard.)
So I would never judge her for being unemployed if she were really trying OR if she did'nt care about the money situation. But not only has she quit several decent jobs, she doesnt' really job seek and she is always really, really worried about money. And I know she always will be until she gets a job. I don't want her to stay in unhappy relationships just because she needs someone to support her.
It's like she's been stuck in quicksand for two years. And I tried to pull her out of it, and so have other people, and it didn't work. So I asked her to try to pull herself out, and now she's giving me the silent treatment.
It hurts a lot. I am really hurt by it. I know that if I called, she would probably eventually talk to me. But why should I be the one who always makes the effort? I need some effort from her part too, I need to see that she cares about me too. I can't stand one way relationships.
What makes me saddest is that I NEVER expected this from her- I thought we had a true, real, strong friendship that would last forever. I thought she was a loyal, true, best friend in the world to me. I can't believe I was wrong!
Edited 7/19/2006 11:30 am ET by bluerains

Let me know what happens
I'll get back to my update now
Rosaura
Hi Dear Blue,
Thank you Rosaura and Lori,
This does hurt a lot. I've almost called a few times but I was too mad to say anything "nice", and Amy doesnt' seem willing hear any "not-nice" feelings, so I didn't call. It's just unbelievable what people will do...
She could have said anything to me and I would have never checked out on her like this. I can't believe how easily she is letting our frienship go...
If she made any effort at all, it would be enough for me. All she had to do was open up to me. But she did nothing, did not even try, and so even if she comes back to me now and is finally ready to talk, I don't think I can see her as my best friend again after the way she handled this.
I will always care about her and will probably eventually forgive her, but I don't respect her now and I've seen some things about her character that I can never forget. You don't check out on your best friend, you don't ignore your best friend when she tells you she is crying over worry for you and your friendship. At least, I don't, and I don't want someone in my life who is capable of that. Loyalty is more than just a word.
Love
Rosaura