update on therapy and silly question

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
update on therapy and silly question
6
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:50am

Hi everyone! I just thought I'd post an update as yesterday I had my first therapy session. Thanks sooooooo much for prompting me to go ahead and dig some more or else I would not have found this place and they know what they are doing as the therapists are experts on violence against women. As I already mentioned, it was extremely hard for me to walk into this room and have the person there already knowing about the rape. Well, I think this time maybe I just got the right therapist. She was so nice and she made it all easier on me, asking the right questions etc. Problem is the centre is going to close for the summer and the earliest I can actually start therapy is september :-( But at least the start has been made and I felt really better afterwards, plus she gave me an emergency number just in case I feel suicidal again.. She said I have a lot of issues to work out but one thing she said made all the difference. All my extreme reactions are in fact normal and a direct consequence of the rape, that I am not crazy. I am not a lost cause. That was quite a relief you can imagine. I thought I was going insane! And she is an expert on rape issues. She said that in this country prejudice over the matter, as well as pure ignorance exists even among professionals and I gave her the name of the therapist who made the inappropriate comment (not sure if it was the right thing to do) We even talked a bit about my issues with sex.
Now, on that subject, my recent x, the one that triggered this horrible crisis sent me a very strange mail yesterday. I will paste it here, see what you think. Those who read my story will realize just why this is so important to me to clarify. I can not be objective about it and I am too afraid to be happy about it thinking there is hope when there is none, it crushed me once I can't afford to do it again. I mean we said some pretty bitter things to each other.Any opinions will be greatly appreciated.
Love to all, you might just have kept me alive even if you do not realize. You guys are amazing!
Rosaura
Peter's email:
...usual greetings "I am feeling a bit better now after the one you sent me before. And i certainly do understand a bit better now what was bothering you..
Unfortunately... and you might think of course... i cant write you extensively right now, but i will try to write a bit more soon (within a week :-). right now i am in a hotel-lobby in norway, just checking my email and many people around.. not really the place..
take care and hugs!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:20pm

Hi Rosaura,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:38pm

Hi Rosaura,

I'm so glad your first appt. went well. I think it's meaningful that you got in just before they were about to close- if you waited even a few days they would have been closed. I tend to look for signs and meanings in things, but it seems like good timing to me.

I would be cautiously optomistic about that email. When he says "not really the place," it could mean he thinks emailing you is a big deal and he wants it to be private and wait until he has time to say the right thing. He's not being causual about it, he really wants to think about what he writes to you and have it be private, which seems to mean it's important to him. I'd wait a week or two and see what happens, but clearly you are on his mind. Even though you both said some harsh things, that's what happens in bad fights and it happens that people can say things they both regret. But when you both cool down your real feeling come through, and that's what seems to be happening now.

Thanks for all the kind and nice things you said about us, it means a lot! It is great to have you on the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 9:19am
Blue and Lori!!!! Whatever would I have done without you guys! I am feeling a lot calmer right now and you guys have helped me put things into perspective when there was literally noone around and all this writing brought out things I never knew were there. I never would have found this woman had it not been for the support I got here and I appreciate it! I view both of you as friends. So, Lori, you can't believe how relieved I felt when this lady told me I was normal, even suicidal and all. Most of all she told me it CAN be fixed and the reason why it has not been fixed yet was that I had not received the proper care I needed in those cases. Everyone before was concerned about the attempts but noone dug any deeper, so you were right inititally that it did turn out to be in my advantage that she knew about the rape and the attempts upfront. As for the other therapist, it was not my intention to report him, I just mentioned the comment and she said it would be helpful for her organization to know his name, I want to forget this idiot. And Blue, I never thought of what you said before!!! The coincidence of finding them at such a dark hour just before they closed for the summer! I was actually the last person to see. It was already closed but they arranged the appointment anyway because of my suicidal tendencies. It was meant to be an hour, it lasted 2:30, you are right blue, maybe it is a sign or something!
About the guy now, I am sure you know why this is so important. You are both right. I have to come first now. I will just wait and see. My priority is not to get upset which is why I am scared of how this thing is going to turn out. I can't deal with any nastiness although I don't think that was his intention. I will be careful though and I will be updating cause I don't really trust myself when it comes to dealing with men. My concerns are really complicated, relating to sexual issues about the men. I'll try to get into it some other time as once again I type like mad...thanks for reading
All the nice things I said about you are well deserved. You literally may have saved my life
Rosaura
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 1:52pm

Rosaura,

You are so sweet to say those things. But you should get the credit for doing the work to find this therapist and get an appointment and also you're the one who reached out in the first place and found this board. You've accomplished a lot...

It is really helpful to have a safe place to talk about things. If you ever get the chance, an in-person support group is also really powerful. I've been to support groups that had phone lists, where you could call someone if you felt the need to talk. I actually did once because I had no one else to talk to, and it helped a little.

I can tell how important this man is to you, and I'm glad that he's acting in a caring way right now and thinking about things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 4:56pm
Hey Blue! I know that we are the only ones that can help ourselves but still, you guys have helped me big time and it is the truth! All this writing.... I am calmer now than I have been in a long time. And it is amazing that both you and Lori are so far away from me....Anyway, the sad thing about the guy is that it is not even about him. Giving my body to him after the rape has been an ordeal in itself. He already knew about it and I was shaking like a fish caught in a net during out first time. He had to ask about a million times if I was sure. This is why it gets to me. He is gorgeous! He could have anyone he wanted to. Why did he pick me, knowing the problems he would create and the dump me with no explanation? He seemed like he cared then he seemed like he didn't and then all hell broke loose (big fight) and now this mail? I just don't get it. I really don't want to get hurt again and he has all the info he needs in order to know that sex for me isn't easy. Well, babbling again! It is too hard for us to get it back on track so I don't know what the purpose of the mail was. I was calmer when he sent it to me but I really don't want to get hurt. Do I make any sense? Well, i guess I'll talk to you guys soon!
Take care and be safe!
Love
Rosaura
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 12:34pm

Hi Rosaura,


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