I need advice desperatly....long
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| Mon, 07-24-2006 - 2:01pm |
I know this is going to be long but pleasae bear with me. My daughter is 13. She is a great kid really she is. She is the oldest of 6. Her life has been very rough, to say the least. First her biological father committed suicide when she was 5. The her grandfather (dads dad) committed suicide on the same day as her great grandfather died of natural causes (they were extremely close since she is legally blind and so was he). Then 7 months after that her uncle (dads brother) comitted suicide. That last one was only 3 years ago, this month.
I screwed up recently well kind of recently. Aug 8th last year my 2 kids age 2 and 4 decided they wanted to go play and they went out side without waking me up at 7 in the morning. The police acme and took them all and put them in foster care. I was asleep cause I work midnight shift. So they were in foster homes from Aug til April when I finally got them all back. While they were in foster care my fatehr which all 6 of my kids were very close to died. He was very young and he is missed terribly by every one.
It has been a long hard road but I fought to get them back! She went to my moms house last night and talked to her and she has been contemplating suicide. Or at least thought about it. She says she does not think she is needed here. I know she needs help but I am afraid. I am still dealing with the CPS system and if they hear of this they will yank them out so fast and I won't get them back. I love my kids and I know you should not havae a favorite but my oldest daughter is my favorite. I need help on what I can do and what I can say other than telling her how much I love her all the time (which I do). I need help to save my daughter! She has been through so much... She was also sexually abused when she was 4 by my sister-in-laws father. My brother married my best friend. So I grew up in that house and of course I would let her spend the night there. Why would i even think to not or even think to worry that he would hurt her. He is in prison now until Oct 2014 which is his fuirst chance of parol but he will die there he is in his late 60's. Any thought would be helpful...
Thanks
Diane
Mommy to 6

Hi Diane and welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us and I hope you will feel welcome here!
First let me say that although I have experience with depression/suicidality both personally and professionally, we aren't allowed to provide therapy here --just support, caring, and a listening ear. I can however offer you my thoughts and suggestions....
Diane,
I agree with Lori that you should get your daugther help. I'm sure the biological or genetic aspects that led to her relatives commiting sucide might be adding to the tramas she's gone through, and it's too much for her.
I first wanted to die around age 12, as far as I can remember. Only much later, I found out that depression and anxiety runs in my family. And it also seems to run in yours. Ask your daughter what type of help would help her the most, but make it clear that she has to choose something or you will.
I'm not an expert on this so I don't know what exactly to suggest, I'm just a person who's "been there." Probably, you should talk to an expert first to get options, then present them to your daugther. I think since she's 13, it might help her to have some choice in the matter and some control over how she gets the help she needs. Of course, if she needs more you'll have to put your foot down at that point. But I think if you can offer her some choices, such as what therapist to go to, etc., she may feel less out of control.
Wow sorry to hear of the family disposition to suicide. I don't know if there is a genetic link, but definately expreiencing the suicide of a loved one can have a great influence on the way people think and behave.
You're right about one thing...telling her you love her all the time. Also talk about it. It is a myth that talking about suicide leads to it. Talk about alternatives that she can use to distract her during these times.
And don't forget to take care of yourself.
Courtney and I had a nice long talk and she said she would never do it she said she had thought about it and about how sad her family members had to be to get that low in order to hurt themselves. She also said she knew how it felt and she could never hurt her family that way. I believed her but told her I still wanted her to talk to someone and she said she was ok with that. I made it very clear that I love her and how much I love her and she cried. I think things will be ok as long as I follow through with the counseling and continue to tell her how much I love her on a regular basis.
Thank you for the support so far.
Diane
mommy to 6
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Hi Diane,