Dear Blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Dear Blue
4
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:46pm

Hi Blue,


 Is it my imagination or have you been kinda quiet the past week or so? Are you okay?? I don't mean to embarass you--or bother you if you aren't up to "talking" but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you and if you feel like posting an update, I'm "all ears"--lol! Big hugs to you, Lori

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: cl_onceachild
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 10:01am

Hi Lori,

Thanks so much for caring and noticing. It's two things: one, that I have to cut down online time for more job search time. And two, I have been feeling sad lately.

A lot of times I feel no motivation to do anything, everything seems like a chore- even eating, or trying to find ways to fill another day. Is that depression, is that biological? I have such low energy levels.

I've been really hopeless over finding a good job again. It's been over 6 months since I started working part time at the library, and I know now that it's a dead end job. I keep sending out resumes, but never get a call back. I've tried stopping in to hand in my resume in person, I've tried calling to follow up (never get a response from that), I feel like I've tried everything.

Part of it is worry over money, but part of it is the feeling that I'm not fulfilling my potential or doing much with my life. And part of it is frusteration that I know I'm a great worker, if only someone would notice my resume! And I think my resume is decent- so I don't know why they don't! The only conclusion I can come to is, there must be tons of competition. I even applied to Jenny Craig, I figured I might be good at it since part of it would be support like we do here. But they didn't call me back either, and that was a really low paying job so I kind of felt pretty hurt that even they didn't call me back. Maybe it's because on the online application, I said $8.50/hour was not acceptable to me. Well, it's not, it's less than I make now, and they shouldn't ask that question if they won't accept true answers. I'm only making $9/hour now, and I really need/want to make more!

Yesterday I found out about a job, went through hoops to customize a resume and cover letter and fax it over, and called to confirm, but as usual, they didnt bother to return my call. That leads me to believe the job is already filled or they are overwhelmed with resumes. I do this type of thing almost every day.

I want a fullfilling job that uses my talents, is a challenge, and pays enough so I can survive independently if I needed to! I feel so bad that I only work 10 hours per week- and even that is only for summer- they will probably reduce it to 8 in the fall. I feel like such a failure! I'm tired of always having to tell people, "No, I haven't found a job yet," when they ask. And they keep asking. They seem to think it's a matter of choice, but its' not.

DH had an interview yesterday at a fairly prestigious place, the kind of place I would love to work for. The irony is, I'm not sure he will get it becasue he has no interview skills and won't take my advice about preparing for the interviews. But the thing that got to me was, he got this interview becasue he has several friends who work there. His friends passed his resume on and he got called THE NEXT DAY for an interview. It just killed me that who you know is so important and I DON"T KNOW ANYONE WHO CAN GET ME AN INTERVIEW! Of course, I asked DH if his friends could hook me up too, but I don't have the qualifications to work there. (DH does becuase of his years of military training.) He showed me a picture of the building and it's huge and has a great cafeteria and walking trails. And all he had to do was call a friend to get an interview. Meanwhile, I'm spending hours trying to get an interview at these tiny little places, and I can't. Of course, if DH got this job it would be good for me too, but I want my own career and my own money too. I am really proud of DH, don't get me wrong, but I just wish that I had something to be proud of too.

Also, Amy still did not call me or anything, and yesterday I took down the photo of us that I had on my bookshelf, and replaced it with a photo of me and another friend. It was really sad, but it's been over a month and she still doesn't bother to call me or even email me yet.




Edited 7/26/2006 10:18 am ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
In reply to: cl_onceachild
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 2:26pm
Hi Blue! As I said I wanted to tell you a few words with regards to your friend. Now I have no idea what the history between you is, how come you were bonded so much, how long for etc. But what I see is that she is really not acting too much as a friend. Pride is a good (and a bad) thing when it comes to an insult but a) I do not think from what you are telling us that you insulted her in an way and b) you can only apologize that many times. Being able to apologize means that you are a big enough person to aknowledge your mistake and own up to it and that you have done. If it is pride that is not letting you contact her then in my opinion, you do not lose your pride by arranging a face to face talk with her, because this is the best way to resolve this. I understand your point completely about comparing this situation with her bf but this should just give you an indication of the person she really is and where her priorities really are, at least for now. I think you should not be so hard on yourself. It is not your fault she is messed up right now and you can rest assured that on your part you have done everything you could to save the friendship and you have been a good and loyal friend. The responsibility for the rift is no longer on your shoulders. As I said, maybe she needs time but you are the judge of what you are willing to accept and what not. Sorry to be a bit harsh but I wonder whether she would have done the same for you in a rough spot and taken care of you. If yes, maybe it is worth it not closing completely the door. If not, accept that she is not the friend you deserve. I still think in the end it will be retsored but I wish the entire thing was not making you so unhappy!
So, there, I have said it
Sending you big big hugs and positive energy from across the pond. Now I can go take this shower I talked about
Love
Rosaura
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: cl_onceachild
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 11:07pm

Hi Blue,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: cl_onceachild
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 10:48am

Thank you Rosaura and Lori,

I just sent her an email saying congratulations on the birth of her nephew (last month.) That's all I wrote- a very brief congratulations. I wonder if that will get a response. I haven't actually apologized becauase I don't think that I did anything wrong. But I did try to explain myself and I told her I didn't mean to hurt her and that I want us both to be able to communicate with each other.

Amy (not her real name) and I have been friends since fifth grade, we've always been very close. We told each other we were closer than sisters. We send each other care packages, are (were) always there for each other, we've been so close. Rosaura, I wonder if she is waiting for an apology. But, I don't think I did anything wrong- although, if she had called me right away, I probably would have apologized anyway. I think I did say I'm sorry for hurting her, but I didn't say sorry for speaking my mind- becuase I'm not. (Although I'm very sorry for the results!)