I'm so confused! Trigs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
I'm so confused! Trigs?
3
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 5:37pm

All day long I've tried to do things to do things to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about the thoughts of ending it. All the work I've done today hasn't stopped the thoughts. The confusing thing is right now I don't want to act on the thoughts, they just won't stop and leave me alone. Am I crazy? How do I make the thoughts stop? I've done laundry, paid bills, cleaned my living area, and yet the thoughts keep crashing through. I find myself looking to see what meds I have could cause an o/d. I don't want to o/d though. So why am I looking? I don't want to bother my tdoc with this. She said to call her if I needed anything but she's on vacation. She also told me if it's an emergency to call pdoc or go to the er. Is this an emergency? My mind is swimming right now and I have no clue as to any answers. Any help or insight would be appreciated. Thank you again for listening.


Maui

Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 9:45pm
Maui, my advice is that if you feel yourself starting to move in the direction of acting on your thoughts, then it is time to call for help,ASAP be it your pdoc, the ER or your tdoc. Having thoughts is one thing, acting upon them is a totally different deal. If the thoughts continue to be strong and persistant tho, chances are it would be a good idea to make contact with someone, often times I think those thoughts just continue to spiral out of control until the impulses give way to actions (at least in my case). Better to stay ahead of things rather than reacting and being out of control with it all. Have you tried journaling about why these thoughts might be so strong, or consistant? As one of my therapists used to tell me, live thru it and see where it takes you, often times the other side of darkness is strength and knowledge. I'd say hang in there BUT I never found that saying helpful when I easily turn it around to being a suggestion, so.. good luck in making it thru is particular dark time and stay well! (((HUGS))).
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 12:13pm

Have you been alone all day? Is there someone who could give you a big hug? I have had the same song- the one that goes, "These five words in my head, are we having fun yet?" in my head for two days, it's driving me crazy although I know it's not the same thing. I can't stop it either. I dont' know why the brain gets stuck on "repeat" like this. It's like a radio that I can't turn off.

Has this happened to you often or is this the first time?

Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 10:24am
You are definitely not alone! I feel very similar - the thoughts that won't stop, the questions as to when is it time to call, etc. Part of it for me is WANTING to stop the thoughts. I feel very comfortable with those thoughts and I don't want them to stop at some level, although on another level I do want them to stop. I think this conflict is part of the problem for me, I haven't resolved it yet. I consider that I am still struggling so I'm not sure I'm qualified to give "advice" but maybe support and affirmation? You are not alone! Somehow I have managed to get through those times so far - sometimes by doing things I love, like horseback riding, or things that take up energy/time, like work, or things that lift my mood, like listening to upbeat music. Now sometimes I also do things that maybe aren't so good like right now I am controlling my eating and losing weight but I consider that better than alternatives! I am still at a healthy weight so it's not like I am at risk or anything. Another positive thing I like to do is shopping or even looking at catalogs and picking things out, even if I don't buy them. Or reading books is comforting too. But again, I also have these same intrusive thoughts that won't go away. I agree that once you feel like you are going to ACT on those thoughts it would be time to let someone else in on your thoughts. For me, it's hard to talk about these thoughts with my therapist so a lot of time I will skirt around the issue hoping she gets the picture! It is scary thinking that someone might push the issue or make you do something drastic. But in the long run that would definitely be better than the alternative. Use the perspective of today, looking back at when you had these thoughts in the past, I'm sure there are things you've done or experienced since then that have been so positive, that you are glad that nothing happened before. Well use that same logic to the current thoughts. You will go on to have better times, you just need to get through today.
Best wishes and keep posting! It definitely helps!
allie