Social anxiety
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| Sun, 07-30-2006 - 5:40pm |
I have pretty bad social anxiety. I've gotten better than I was as a teenager, but it's still there!
Today DH had "family day" at his army reserves unit. I really didn't want to go, but I felt like I should to help his career. It was an outdoor picnic. I tried, but ended up sitting alone on a picnic bench, in between two groups of talking people, feeling terrible and awkward. That is what usually happens.
I did try to talk to most of the women there-, hoping it would start a converstation but it didn't work. I complimented two of them on their kids, and complimented another one's pet. But they didn't ask me anything or compliment me in return. (Isn't that the way social talk is supposed to work? Aren't you supposed to take turns?) All they said was, "Thank you," then looked away. I waited a minute but they didn't say anything.
Even though I love picnic food I didn't enjoy the food at all becuase we had to sit at a table with other people and I felt so awkward.
I have so much to say deep down but I need someone to meet me halfway. DH said why didn't I go join one of the groups, and I said I would rather die than join a group of strangers who did not even invite me over! Obviously, they saw me there and if they wanted to talk to me, they could have, right?
DH made matters much worse by LOUDLY whispering in my ear, "You are definatley the most beatuiful woman here!" Oh my god, I thought I would die! I'm pretty sure other ladies heard that...way to make me popluar, DH!
I do wonder sometimes if other women ignore me because I am fairly attractive...do they feel threatened or stereotype me? I don't mean to sound concieted and I'm not gorgeous by any means. (Some of my bad points: I wear glasses at all times, and have a big nose!)
But I have long wavy hair, am fairly thin, and like to dress well sometimes. I rememeber this other time when we went to DH's reuninion, and all the women at the table were cold to me except this one really beatuiful lady, who was so kind but I noticed the other women ignored her too! So her and I talked all night and the other women gave us the cold shoulder, even though we tried to include them. I don't get that, why judge someone without even giving them a chance.
I wound up going to sit in Dh's office alone for the last hour and a half of the picnic becasue I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore and had to get away. I'm upset with myself, becuase I went hoping that people would like me and it would be helpful for DH's job- but clearly, that didn't work out!
Another bad thing is, DH told me last night that his boss and some co-workers are unhappy with him, don't respect him, and I'm scared becuase from what he said, they want to get rid of him soon and he'll lose his job. I think it's because he's got ADHD, and comes across really bad sometimes... and he doesn't care what people think of him, which you can't do at work. You have to care what your boss thinks, or you'll lose your job.
They think DH is lazy and useless, and I'm sorry to say but I can see why. (I didn't say that to him, of course!) He's not lazy but the way he comes across sometimes, it sure seems like it...his social skills need a lot of work, too! He wants to come across as the nice guy all the time, always joking and laughing, but they don't want a nice guy at work, they want someone who gets the job done.
It was a huge blow to hear that becasue I had no idea they didn't respect him at work, and the scary part is that he's terrible at job hunting and could not get another job any time soon. And I've been trying, and I can't seem to either. All in all, I feel stuck in a bad place and not likely to get anywhere better anytime soon. When will it all end? When do I get a break, God?
Edited 7/30/2006 8:41 pm ET by bluerains

Hi Blue,
Lori,
I'm shocked to hear you have social anxiety too, I never would have guessed! I guess people who only know me from the boards would not guess about me unless I told them, either.
Thanks for saying I did everything right. I think I tried too. It was so hard to go, never mind try to start conversations. I just really wanted DH's co-workers and bosses to like me.
Hi Blue,