I'm miserable
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I'm miserable
| Mon, 07-31-2006 - 10:17pm |
I don't want to get up in the morning, get dressed, cook, eat, go outside, exercise(usually work out 6 times/wk)....take care of myself. Basically, I've given up. Recently, I lost my job(my teaching contract wasn't renewed), my relationship....he severed all ties because he has to work on himself and overcome an addiction I wasn't aware he had, broke out in a rash all over my body either from stress or the heat, my hair is coming out and my friends have given up on me:( One more paycheck and I'm without money. I have no retirement benefits and am losing my health insurance. My self-esteem is at an all-time low....I'm 53 years old and age discrimination is always prevalent. I'd like to go to sleep and not wake up.
Lee
Lee

Lee,
That is a double blow, losing a job and bf at once. My husband has an addiction and I didn't realize it until years later...addicts are good at hiding it and pretending to be OK. Even though it hurts, I think it says a lot that he's trying to work on himself, instead of hiding it from you until you find out when he self destructs. It is hell to live with and love an addict so I actually think you've gotten the lesser of two evils, unbelievable as that may seem to you.
I'm job seeking too, and know how it is. I must say your friends have given up awful quickly! Don't give up on yourself Lee.
Hi Lee and welcome to the board--although I wish you weren't feeling so badly I AM glad you found us!
As I said to another "newbie" in an earlier post, you are exhibiting all the classic signs of depression....the not wanting to get out of bed, wanting to withdraw from life, lack of interest in everyday activities , etc. In your case, it sounds as if the depression was triggered by loss (I'm not authorized to diagnose here so this is just an educated opinion, okay?)
Thanks,
Lee
Thank you,
Lee
Hi Lee,
Lori:
Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post.
Baby steps....you're right I am overwhelmed by all of the things that I've neglected, including myself. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to go to a spinning class at the Rec. Center I belong to. One of the problems I have too, is the fact that I'm very outgoing and friendly when I'm not depressed. I have lots of acquaintances(I met them through classes), esp. at the Rec. Center and now I have to face them in the condition I'm in:( Also the guy who called off our relationship goes there too. My plan is to get back into the routine of going each day again. I just wish that I hadn't wasted the last month becoming so depressed:(....gives me another excuse to beat myself up over it.
As far as, the counselor goes. Her speciality was alcohol and drug addictions, but she changing her focus. However, I don't plan on focusing on his problem. Although if he were to reinitiate a relationship with me in the future. I'd need to become aware of/involved in the work he's been doing on himself. One of the last comments he made to me was that he hoped "I would get well for Lee."
Thank you,
Lee
Hi Lee,