bluerains, Lori, and Allie...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
bluerains, Lori, and Allie...
3
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 10:53pm

Thank you so very much for your support and understanding. I figured I couldn't be alone in this "mourning" over the loss of a therapist.

This has been so hard. I so totally understood your posts about this situation being like a break-up. I just didn't want to admit it, I guess. bluerains, I have to apologize to you if I was curt in a previous response to you. :( Please, forgive me, I knew that you were just trying to help. I haven't been myself for quite some time now.

Lori, I know that I should probably see Marsha... but I soooo don't want to. It's not that I am afraid of the same thing happening... b/c I know that it wouldn't, not with her, as I already know her and I never "looked up to her" as I did Bruce. I just don't want to see her or anyone. I know I'm babbling. :( I will take your advice... at least, try to... about seeing how things go and if I need to, I would go back to Marsha.

Allie, your post really made me even more aware of what is happening with me. Thanks for sharing your story as well. You know, Bruce and I talked about abandonment issues when I had to leave him to go to an IOP last winter, and I had to see another therapist and psych... in fact, the therapist was Marsha, that's why I already know her. When B told me that he can't be my therapist anymore, I was so stunned at first, and I really panicked. His first statement after that was something to the effect that he knows that I am feeling totally abandoned by him... He really did feel badly for me, and he was SCARED for me. He said so. ... dang, I'm tearing up just typing this.

Today I had to go for some bloodwork (PCP ordered to check my thyroid levels... I'm hypothyroid). I had to have it done at the lab at the hospital, which is RIGHT NEXT TO THE CLINIC's OLD LOCATION... I mean, right next to, as in inside the hospital. The stupid sign is still on the window. S****** Clinic. When they first moved, when I was still seeing B, I was really upset about the clinic moving. They moved into a really nice building but I hated the change, I wanted B's old office back. Then, when I found myself more comfortable in my new safe place, he tells me he can't see me anymore. Anyway... seeing the old clinic with the stupid sign still up just hurt me. I felt so stupid about it. I HAD to look through the window... you could see his office from it.

Crying again now... thanks for your support, I really appreciate it. I'm going to really need you...
V

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Avatar for markshay
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 9:50am
V, I can understand alot of what you are feeling, same thing happened to me several years ago. I may not have been as close to my therapist as it seems that you are to B. Luckily (I guess) when she came and told me I was already in the hospital, needless to say, I barracaded myself into my room and got into alot of trouble over that reaction. It took me several months to be able to start to move ahead tho and then several more years to really feel like I had come to terms with it. But it took me calling her a few years after the fact to find out that she didn't hate me. I did go to several other therapists after her and none of them came close to how I felt she was helping me, until recently, I guess. Seeing a therapist I saw after seeing her but things seem different now. Anyways, just wanted to pipe in and say that I understand some of what you are feeling and it did get better for me with time. Hope that it doesn't take you as long as it did me to finally be able to come to terms with it.
Sandra.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 2:43pm

V,

There's nothing to apologize for- I think you were polite and I didn't get offended your posts. But I appreciate what you said anyway- but I know that you were just expressing your feelings and you have a right to do that.

I'm sorry if I put things in a bad way or upset you- I didn't mean to do that! I also realize that you're not in love romantically with B. I guess I just define love in many different ways, so in a way I see this as love too- but of a different sort.

Good for you getting the bloodwork done even though it was in such a bad location. That must have taken a lot. I think things like this take a long time to grieve but time is a healer. I know you'll make it through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 08-04-2006 - 2:26pm

Hey Vida,


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