new to this board, feeling ugh
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new to this board, feeling ugh
| Sat, 08-05-2006 - 5:56pm |
i'm just trying to post here, i sometimes post on the breaking up is hard to do board but i've been feeling "depressed" last couple days and crying a lot. I broke up with my ex 6 mths back after a 4 yr re;ationship n i ahve been having a hard time coping, we don't really talk since he cannot handle being friends now coz of our history, i dont really ahve friends around and as hard as i try i just cannot connect with people it seems. It just feels like i'm invisible and that noone cares a hoot, so it feel well why be alive n miserable coz as hard as i've been trying to fill my life i have a huge void i cannot seem to gte rid of. the thing i i'm a coward n too scared of death to do anything but it seems like i'll be better of dead than alive coz at least i wouldn't know that i cannot connect with people n that people maybe didn't care a hoot. I dunno what to do, i was doing really well ahndling thigns but lately its too much since i work alone, live alone n rarely talk to anyone.

Hi sad_mich and welcome to the board... I'm glad you found us and I hope you will feel welcome here and stick around so we can get to know you and vice versa!
One thing I know about depression is that being isolated tends to make it worse!! It allows us to stay stuck in a sense...because we have all this time on our hands to think about how badly we feel and how alone we are. Another thing I know about depression is that it really does alter one's perception of themselves and the world around them! I don't know about you but I've heard news accounts about people who've taken their own life and unfailingly I hear the reporter interview someone who says "I had no idea....." or "She seemed so happy/quiet, etc." There are ALWAYS people that would care if we were to no longer exist in this world. It may not always seem that way but in my experience anyway, it was often the isolation I felt and my perception of my environment that made it seem like I was all alone in this world.
Thanks for the response.
Its been a really rough night. I tried talking to my ex (he was also my best friend) but it was a nightmare, the insults both ways and at the end he told me never to talk to him again, a blow to an already low day, i just figured maybe we could try n be civil try n talk n maybe he could make me feel like i was someone but instead it made me feel worse (he still cares he has said so though his actions are definately implying otherwise)
I had seen a counsellor for a bit (she is away right now n i leave at the end of the month when she is back) n had gone to see my ex to just get some stuff n for closure in essense n thigns were great while i was there (several hunfreds of miles away) but no longer. I try to go out after work on a Friday with ppl who go for drinks but i don't fit in n don't seem to connect like the others do with each other n it makes me feel like maybe something i wrong with me maybe i'm boring or uninteresting though i'm sure i'm not. So it makes it harder to want to go to these thigns now because when i'm there i feel like an outsider in their world because they seem to get together n do things more often (and i've hinted i'll be up for doing diff things but i don't ever really get invited out it seems). You are right though noone knows whats going on with me, i fit the "she is quiet and seem so happy or nice or whatever it is they say" but inside it feels like i'm losing a battle hence the crying n stuff. I'll say that these are just some bad days right now, but it doesnt make me feel good n i ahte to say it but i'm envious at how easily other individuals interact and get along. And inside i wish i could turn back time n change the way my life is right now coz i didn't think i could even feel this way in my mid 20's i thought the days of not fitting in n having friends were the eariler teen years which weren't half as bad as this.
Thanks for listening. I just feel so alone and really hate myself right now esp after my ex proclaimed he didnt want to ever talk to me again. It hurts even though its been a while from the break up he meant a lot to me n was the one person i could have turned to about anthing.
Hey there,