fed up
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fed up
| Sun, 08-06-2006 - 11:51am |
Hi people
My life has been a disaster every where I go i am rejected and bullied including my house if I have had a friend it has lasted a few months then they get fed up with me. I always have anxiety and panic. I have tried to kill myself twice the first time my family totally ignor it and the secon in 2001 only ended up in then screaming at me more always in group. Well I started working for a company in which everyone is so posh not after long they would relise that I am a weirdo and start steping over me above all the women (apparently I am good looking never had a boyfriend I have had sex but always disgunting)the thing is that people and their rejection terrifies me so much that I cannot even have a conversation I read some where is called Depersonalization, Derealization but in me is constant people know they do not want me close to them after 5 min. Well this very good looking guy fall for me I iked him but did not want to be with him because I knew it would not last and would ridiculize myself so i told him no in front a girl who has a boyfriend and has cheated on him with a least 10 guys well even like this she went with him in the car and he rejected her. Then he started to be very mean to me and say i am an usseless while the other one kept hitting on him then he changed his mind and started wanting to go out with me always in front of her at the end during six months like this one day he rejected her and the next he asked for her number and the idiot worked out that she had stepped over me you should have seen this girl showing me off and his friends that are the biggest bullies I have ever known the guy even followed me to tell me how well he cooks and how a good son he was how many hours he worked while his friend was encouraging others to laugh at me which they did because I am a weirdo so things kept going like this we never worked the three of us together again which makes me think the staff manager knew about it ah in the bulling it was also included that how on earth he was going to like if I do not have friends.Well at that point I had a couple of friends that i had managed to make not to go out but at least to talk to. Later i made another to go out but her only other friend did not want because she did not want to share her friend with the sole reason that if I don't have friends is for something. Ouur friendship lasted until the nice one found a boyfriend and she did not need me anymore before she did because the other one only goes out when she wants. That was on Xmas eve they came to my house and they were as rude as you can be and of course NY eve alone.By that time I used to live in a horrible place but I couldn't afford any better becuase I'm a student and my mother sold a house and ask her for some economic help and she told me no because she wanted to make another one for herself.
After a while I got fed up and compaling but the sm did not believe me and a couple of weeks later days later I got a complaing from a important guy that said that he wanted me to leave I got out of it because they decided IT had been an over reaction but I guess that uncork everything i had been bottleing up. Coming back to the guy also i went out with a friend of his friend and told her that he had used that girl to make me jelous she of course told her but she did not believe it when he stated rejecting her again he spent like this a week after that they slept together and she kept thinking that she was a winner. Then the unbelieveble happened he decided to go back to his country I was happy in one side aand in another I was not because I really wanted to talk to him and told him everuthing he had done to me but like he was leaving there was no point.
I decided to stop working for this place for a while then \i thought I should not leave my job because a gang of bullies so I decided to comeback the manager was so happy but i made the mistake of not wanting to talk to all the people that have hurt me which are a frustated divircee who does not want anyone to be together because she wants a man a brasilian nut who sleeps with everyone above all that bastard and hate me because she knew he fancied me and the only girl who apparently wanted the guy for more than a night. Resuming he made it look like I am a proud person who wanted revenge and the manager spoke to me like if I was brat and do not work there anymore
Maybe I'll explain more later I am tired of writitng I have decided that is best to end up with everything I can't live in a wrld where everybody hates I do not want to.
My life has been a disaster every where I go i am rejected and bullied including my house if I have had a friend it has lasted a few months then they get fed up with me. I always have anxiety and panic. I have tried to kill myself twice the first time my family totally ignor it and the secon in 2001 only ended up in then screaming at me more always in group. Well I started working for a company in which everyone is so posh not after long they would relise that I am a weirdo and start steping over me above all the women (apparently I am good looking never had a boyfriend I have had sex but always disgunting)the thing is that people and their rejection terrifies me so much that I cannot even have a conversation I read some where is called Depersonalization, Derealization but in me is constant people know they do not want me close to them after 5 min. Well this very good looking guy fall for me I iked him but did not want to be with him because I knew it would not last and would ridiculize myself so i told him no in front a girl who has a boyfriend and has cheated on him with a least 10 guys well even like this she went with him in the car and he rejected her. Then he started to be very mean to me and say i am an usseless while the other one kept hitting on him then he changed his mind and started wanting to go out with me always in front of her at the end during six months like this one day he rejected her and the next he asked for her number and the idiot worked out that she had stepped over me you should have seen this girl showing me off and his friends that are the biggest bullies I have ever known the guy even followed me to tell me how well he cooks and how a good son he was how many hours he worked while his friend was encouraging others to laugh at me which they did because I am a weirdo so things kept going like this we never worked the three of us together again which makes me think the staff manager knew about it ah in the bulling it was also included that how on earth he was going to like if I do not have friends.Well at that point I had a couple of friends that i had managed to make not to go out but at least to talk to. Later i made another to go out but her only other friend did not want because she did not want to share her friend with the sole reason that if I don't have friends is for something. Ouur friendship lasted until the nice one found a boyfriend and she did not need me anymore before she did because the other one only goes out when she wants. That was on Xmas eve they came to my house and they were as rude as you can be and of course NY eve alone.By that time I used to live in a horrible place but I couldn't afford any better becuase I'm a student and my mother sold a house and ask her for some economic help and she told me no because she wanted to make another one for herself.
After a while I got fed up and compaling but the sm did not believe me and a couple of weeks later days later I got a complaing from a important guy that said that he wanted me to leave I got out of it because they decided IT had been an over reaction but I guess that uncork everything i had been bottleing up. Coming back to the guy also i went out with a friend of his friend and told her that he had used that girl to make me jelous she of course told her but she did not believe it when he stated rejecting her again he spent like this a week after that they slept together and she kept thinking that she was a winner. Then the unbelieveble happened he decided to go back to his country I was happy in one side aand in another I was not because I really wanted to talk to him and told him everuthing he had done to me but like he was leaving there was no point.
I decided to stop working for this place for a while then \i thought I should not leave my job because a gang of bullies so I decided to comeback the manager was so happy but i made the mistake of not wanting to talk to all the people that have hurt me which are a frustated divircee who does not want anyone to be together because she wants a man a brasilian nut who sleeps with everyone above all that bastard and hate me because she knew he fancied me and the only girl who apparently wanted the guy for more than a night. Resuming he made it look like I am a proud person who wanted revenge and the manager spoke to me like if I was brat and do not work there anymore
Maybe I'll explain more later I am tired of writitng I have decided that is best to end up with everything I can't live in a wrld where everybody hates I do not want to.

Hi Celeste.
Don't take it personally. Maybe no one is online or has time to respond, it happens to everyone, me too.
But one suggestion is, when you write a really long post with no paragraphs, it's really hard to read it and understand it. That's why I didn't respond to you this morning, I did not have enough time to read a really long post. I also had a hard time understanding it becuase of the writing style- I'm not trying to be critical, just honest.
My advice would be, try to put each point into a paragraph so people can understand it better, and try to make it shorter if you can. I'm going to respond to your original post now. By the way, welcome to the board.
Hi again, Celeste.
How old are you? Are you able to move out, becuase your family sounds unsupportive and not very helpful emotionally.
Even though you've had a tough time, you can have a happier future. It will take work but you can do it.
If you have a tough time getting along with people, you can still learn social skills. Some people have to work a lot harder at learning social skills, me included. What I did was, I picked role models who get along with everyone and people I admire. It could be a real life friend or a celebrity. Then I studied how they act around people, and tried to copy them and see what happens. It helped a lot.
One thing I learned is that bullies are everywhere but if you don't react to them, they won't always choose you as the target. If you are really sensitive and show it, the bullies will zero in on you. It's not your fault, but sadly bullies are everywhere. It is really tramatic to work with them, and sometimes the best solution is to leave and find a different job. The bullies probably hurt your self esteem, but remember that they don't really know you and they are like that with almost everyone, it's not really personal.
You are very kind but it has always been like this I'm 31 and the only thing i can do properly is make people hate me have a conversation is so threatening to me that i totally blocked don't you think I want to die the thing I want the mst is to live but i cannot see the point and i do not know anyone like this people have taken their lives for less
Hi Celeste and welcome to the board!
I wanted to apologize if I misunderstood you in your earlier post..... As Bluerains mentioned, I also find your writing style a bit difficult due to punctuation and paragraphing but everyone is different!
"have a conversation is so threatening to me that i totally blocked...i do not know anyone like this".
I know there are a LOT of people like that, but they're all staying home so they can't meet each other! I have social anxiety too, and I know it IS something you can work on! I still have it but I'm not at that point of blanking out most of the time, although I know exactly what you mean becuase it does happen to me too. It's neurological.
There are actually specific therapies for this problem, where they teach you how to act in social situations and how to get along with people and talk to people. Maybe you could look into finding a therapist who specializes in social anxiety... there are solutions to this problem.
I apreciate all ou say but you don't know what is like to live in a world in which it takes for people not to like 5 mins I moved into a new house on feb it took my 8 flatmates 1 day to decide they did not like me and it is always like this I had this problem at work not because I was not right it is just because people do not like me I honestly do not know how I am suppose to live the next 50 or so years that I probably have left.I have tried clubs and everything I think I am not well in my head and it is so obvious that people see it on the spot
Thanks
"you don't know what is like to live in a world in which it takes for people not to like 5 mins".
Don't assume that... I notice that istead of looking for ways to relate to other people, you seem to try to find ways that you are different...
If you try and look harder, you might see that you have more in common with other people than you think. After all, we're all here for basically the same reason...it's hard to get by in life. You're not the only one.
Once you start trying to see what you have in common with other people, you might be surprised and realized you found a friend...or more than one! Even thought RIGHT NOW, it may be true that people don't like you right away, than CAN change! If you are willing to work on it, you can change that.