LORI... Something has transpired...
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| Tue, 08-08-2006 - 1:08pm |
and my head is spinning...
Okay, here's the thing...
Marsha, the therapist, called me. I feel so physically ill right now, firstly because I bawled the whole time I spoke to her, and secondly because of what I'm being told.
Apparently she DOES understand my situation... and does feel badly for me about it. Okay, thank God for that. However, here is the thing... Marsha told me that Dr. Gray (psych) cannot see me unless I go to IOP again... which means that MARSHA cannot see me on the 16th.
The floodgates opened. My schedule with Vilija will not allow me to go to IOP. Marsha understands the dilemma I have, she said to at least TALK to the IOP people about it and maybe come to some sort of compromise. We also talked about Bruce... I am bawling like a baby again. She said that she knows from when she has spoken to Bruce over the phone that has a genuine affection for me and that he truly does care, he has said so. He also feels really badly that he wasn't able to help me like he wanted to. He doesn't know DBT... the skills that I was taught during IOP.
She asked me if I was ever able to say goodbye to him... NO. She said that maybe, just maybe, if I called the clinic's administrator, that there is a possibility that I could have one more session with Bruce... however, she feels that I wouldn't be able to see him alone, but with the administrator.
I don't like the administrator.
But the thought is tempting. Just to make things right.
I want soooooooo much to see Bruce again, to talk to him, just to know that he still cares. I want to make things RIGHT... I need to hear things from HIM.
I left a message for Marsha, maybe, just maybe, SHE can make a call for me to S Clinic and talk to B herself about me possibly meeting with him. I NEED TO DO THIS... I still need the guy.
What do you think?
V


It would be cool if Marsha could come with you to have a "closure" meeting with B! Maybe even if the admin had to be there, she could come too...
I hope it works out!
It's too bad they don't have more schedule options, they should be more understanding! I hope they can be a little flexible and work something out.
Hi Vida,
I really don't know if it's policy to have to go through an IOP before seeing Dr. Gray/Marsha, but apparently when Dr. G heard from Marsha about what happened with me she became concerned that I wasn't using the skills I had learned and that I need to get with the program again and work myself back up. Yes, Dr. G and Marsha are in the same office.
One thing I forgot to mention earler, I think, is that Marsha said that if IOP is truly impossible, then they will find a DBT therapist for me. That just got to me even more, b/c now, instead of seeing Marsha, someone I already know, I will be seeing someone else completely new. I cried about that, of course, b/c I just don't want to start over yet again.
Seeing and talking to Bruce will more than likely be really hard for me, and painful... but I am still willing to do it. That's how desperate I am to see him. Yes I am stupidly hanging on to the least bit of hope (desperation, more like it) that maybe, just maybe, he will see me again later. My logical side (I still have one!) knows that he and Marsha and any other therapist would want me to NOT HAVE to go to therapy anymore, of course. But the illogical side of me (a bit bigger than the logical part) says that I still need and want to see Bruce because I can't make it without him.
Anyway...
I had called Marsha back after talking to her earlier and left a message for her asking her if she could possibly make this thing possible for, a meeting with Bruce, b/c I cannot call there myself, I just can't.
I didn't think that my message went through, for some reason, so I called her back later and left another msg. She called me back and said that yes, she did get the first msg, and that she had emailed Bruce... and will let me know.
I can't even begin to explain what is going through my head. I don't even know myself. I am going to be honest and say that I'm scared of what's going to happen after I see him again for another "last time". But I have to see him, I have to talk to him. I HAVE TO.
V
Hey Vida...I posted to you on the other board too.
What will you say if you do get to see B again?