Only way to make problems go away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Only way to make problems go away?
6
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 9:23am
I am distraught today. I am trying so hard to get help for my depresion but nothing seems to help. I am an emotional wreck! I just don't know how to cope; how to make these feelings go away. All I want to do is sleep and just wish everyone would go away. My X husband adds to this distress by harassing me and making me feel sorry for him. The only thing keeping me here is my son and that is fading too. How do I make these bad feelings go away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 9:47am

Hi dkm1972 and welcome (not sure if you've posted here before but wanted to welcome you just in case you haven't!)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 1:37pm
Yes, there was some minor abuse that occured in the marriage. The divorce was final almost 3 months ago. I have a restraining order against X. He actually served 2 month in jail for violations (march/april) and I just about had a breakdown because of it. I tried to do everything to get him to stop (tt detective, probation officer) the judge had even warned him a month before to leave me alone- nothing worked. I don't fear so much for my physical safety as much as my emotional/mental well-being. He is wearing me down more and more. Every time I tell myself I am not going to let him get to me but he does. Our son is 4 year old. I am trying so hard to take care of him but it's hard when I barely can take care of myself. I hate for him to to me this way. I hate it when he sees me and his dad arguing (wonder what he's thinking). The main reason I divorced X was because this was not the life I wanted for our son; I did not want him to think this was normal. Why can't I protect him now?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 2:55pm

Hi dkm,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 5:18pm

Thanks for the support Lori!

I am going to counseling but because of my insurance I only have 4 more visits for the rest of the year. I have a good relationship with my counselor, I just sometimes don't think she knows really how hard this is for me (she probably really does though). I have considered seeing a DV counselor because I know I do minimize the situation. It's an odd feeling to know something happen yet still doubt it. It was a huge step to leave and I just fear that it will not be permanent because we did have that kind of on again off again relationship. Sometimes I would be gone for 1 night and at one point we were seperated for 1 1/2 years (this was before we were married and I thought he changed).

Part of his behavior is stalking. When he does catch me at home he'll say things like "I noticed ... at the house the other night." "I drove by earlier and you were not home; what did you do today?" Then he wants to talk about getting back together. When that doesn't work he tells me that I was just as much to blame for the problems in our marriage. Then come the accusations of me having affairs. Then comes the "Poor Me" routine and I'm not happy with the divorce settlement. Then it escalates to anger- "Well, I'll get an attorney to fight this." and what concerned me last night was he made reference to the fact his uncle has a gun at his house. In a way I think I am waiting for something physical to happen but I don't think I realize how serious that may be.

Part of me wants to stand up to him, that I am going to have to learn to do that eventually, but if I could run I would.

Thanks for listening. Sometimes things seem so hopeless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 7:42pm

I hope your ex gets a life and leaves you alone. He is enough to drive anyone over the edge! The more support you can get to protect yourself from him, the better. He sounds really unstable and annoying at best.

I don't think you should stand up to him becuase he's unstable, it's not safe for you to do that. It's awesome that you did leave him, for your son's sake, you're being a good role model. I hope there is support in your area for you becuase you deserve it and it's too much to deal with alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 9:21pm

Hi dkm,


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