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| Sun, 08-27-2006 - 12:01am |
Hi My name is kaylee or kay for short,
Right now I am going through a very difficult time. a year ago in september my husband died of a childhood illness. I have been very sad and in and out of hospitals for the past year. I am trying to get my life together whatever that means. I haven't been in the hospital since June. I am only 29 years old. I am feeling very alone. The one year anniversay is coming up. Right now I don't care if I live. I want to be with my husband we were married for 7 years and had been together for 14 years. We were highschool sweethearts. I could really use some support. I have a therapist but at times I feel like I can't talk to her about things. I guess I am afraid she would make me go back in the hospital. I have bipolar don't know why I couldn't be manic instead of depressed. I haven't been real great about taking my meds. I know I would feel better I guess I feel like I should be able to make myself feel better or maybe I can control it. Sorry if this all doesn't make sense. Looking for any suggestions I can get on how to cope.
thanks
kay
Right now I am going through a very difficult time. a year ago in september my husband died of a childhood illness. I have been very sad and in and out of hospitals for the past year. I am trying to get my life together whatever that means. I haven't been in the hospital since June. I am only 29 years old. I am feeling very alone. The one year anniversay is coming up. Right now I don't care if I live. I want to be with my husband we were married for 7 years and had been together for 14 years. We were highschool sweethearts. I could really use some support. I have a therapist but at times I feel like I can't talk to her about things. I guess I am afraid she would make me go back in the hospital. I have bipolar don't know why I couldn't be manic instead of depressed. I haven't been real great about taking my meds. I know I would feel better I guess I feel like I should be able to make myself feel better or maybe I can control it. Sorry if this all doesn't make sense. Looking for any suggestions I can get on how to cope.
thanks
kay

Hi Kaylee and welcome to the board. I hope you will stay and get to know us and let us get to know you a bit better also. We have a great bunch of supportive ladies here!
First let me say that I am truly so sorry for your loss! Grief is such a complicated emotion and so tough to get through! Do you know about the stages of grief? Elizabeth Kubler-Ross studied grief for many years and wrote quite eloquently about it. She described such stages as: denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance etc. It has been said that one does not necessarily go through these various stages only once--that the same loss can cause us to go through that grief cycle more than once and in various ways according to the individual. All I DO know for sure is--there is no getting around it because to try and deny it (which it doesn't sound like you are doing) only makes it worse and last longer!
Thank you so much for your support and what you wrote. You are right my husband would want me to live and not be sad all the time. You gave me a lot to think about and I really am grateful for that. thanks
Kay