Been awhile,,,,,,trigzzzzzzzz

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Been awhile,,,,,,trigzzzzzzzz
1
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 6:50pm
Hello Lori & everyone else,,,,I haven't been here in awhile,,,guess that is good isn't it?
Lately been toying with coming on and post but kept telling myself not to because if I do it makes what I am feeling sometimes more of a reality. I've been running the course, now seeing a psychiatrist, on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds,,,guessing they must be helping me tred water just not fully aware of what they are helping or not helping me with. I've been through a terrible year and it isn't over yet. Deaths, Suicide, Murder and attempted murder, abuse, CAS, severe alcoholism, all in my family are the biggies I guess but they are spotted with a lot of other 'hard stuff' as well. I dutifully take my meds,,,,,gosh I was just praying they would be this miracle drug that would send 'instant happiness and peace' running through my veins,,,,but it isn't like that. I think these meds are just keeping me at a functioning level, whatever that is. I go to work, look after my family, but still pull around with me wherever I go that heavy ball and chain which tires me to the point of just wanting to go walking into the lake with it on until the water closes over my head. It just makes me so sad, so fed up, so so,,'will it ever ever go away?????' I thought making myself find a doctor and starting meds would make it all go away,,,,but the way I know will make it go away will hurt so many people,,makes me sad and mad about that. Life is hard,,,,maybe life is just harder for some of us than it is for others. I know some people who's problems don't even qualify for that classification and all I can think of is the unfairness in the dealing of the deck! I'm sorry,,,I don't come here for months and then I go and lay this dirty carpet,,,,please somehow Lori take it as a compliment that we feel safe enough to come here even when we're not doing that well and know we'll still be accepted despite all the 'stuff' that comes with us.
I so hope you are doing well,,,,,missed you! ,,,,,,,, Abby XO
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:09pm

Hi Abby,


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