New here and needing a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
New here and needing a friend
22
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 11:30pm
I'm new here. I attempted suicide last October. It was the culmination of what's been happening to me over the past few years. I had some serious medical problems requiring many surgeries; I had some friends betray me; had an engagement break up; was forced out of a job I absolutely loved and was planning to retire from when I hit retirement age; suffering severe financial problems; and am in a relationship that I am not sure I want to be in anymore. I have no health insurance, so I had to go to a mental health agency that has a sliding fee scale (the only agency in my area). I loved my psychiatrist, but didn't like my counselor. The other counselors were booked at the times where I could get a ride to the agency. In order to see the psychiatrist, you also have to see a counselor. The counselor often dismissed my troubles as being trivial, that I shouldn't worry about other people only myself. She would never focus on the issues I really wanted to address. I worked so hard to get myself through college and start a successful career only to be forced out because I had gotten so sick. She kept telling me I have a good professional reputation (I often referred clients to the agency for treatment)and a job will happen for me. Other than my son, my job was my life and it seems, no matter how hard I try, I couldn't get hired anywhere. I've all but given up because I doubt my abilities and skills now. My family says my depression is my being lazy or feeling sorry for myself. I don't get a lot of support until I'm in a serious crisis. My bf also suffers from depression, but doesn't want to understand what I'm going through. He says
it's all an attitude problem and everything I've been through is all my fault. My two most trusted friends live 700 miles away, so it's difficult getting support from them. My boyfriend constantly reminds me that I don't have any friends except for 1 close by and she's really busy with her own life. Because of everything I've been through, I have a very difficult time trusting anyone enough to start another friendship. I go in with a good heart and the best of intentions and it seems I get dumped when someone else comes along. I just feel lonelier and lonelier by the day and it just seems like, other than my son, if I died no one would miss me. My son is the thing that's keeping me holding on, but I'm back down in the depths again and I'm not able to find my way up. The things I used to cope before aren't working anymore and it's just getting harder and harder. I just wish I had someone to talk to that wouldn't trivialize what I'm feeling and going through and who would just give me some comfort when I need it.
 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 2:46pm

I don't know what the etiquette is since I haven't posted to board nuch but something Rosaura said hit me. I know this is someone else's post but, I wanted to get this out.

"human contact is not quite an easy affair at all."

I can't call a hotline, but there's hours when I want to then I chicken out!! And it's not even face to face, I get out of work, and normally go to my room, I don't want to go out I don't want to see anyone. I know I should go to a counseler, but the thought paralyzes me. When I'm at a function at work I tend to be on the outside, I can't always look at people in the eye, at grocery store etc. I try to avoid it. Yet somedays what I wouldn't do for a hug, for someone to just say "how are you" and look me in the eyes and give me a hug.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 4:54pm

Hi there,


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