cant do it....... trig more then likely
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cant do it....... trig more then likely
| Wed, 09-27-2006 - 11:17am |
I give up on trusting ppl or even having friends, all it does it jsut hurt me and make me look like a moron which I am. I am so sick of myself and my life, everyone will be better off with me out of this world and out of their lives, that way they wont worry about me or talk bad about me.

Hey Mary...honey this is your BP talking...not you. BP robs us of so much joy in our lives, I admit that. I know exactly how you feel. But I PROMISE you it can get better. First step is admitting you are BP, embracing it, even though you absolutely hate it...its not going away. If you do this, you will free your mind and allow yourself to begin to heal. I was in the hospital 8 times in 5 years...in and out in and out...and I finally decided to accept help. I fought it for SO long...and I lost SO much...because I didn't listen to anyone. I didn't let them help me...I thought I could do it on my own.
BP cannot be ignored...its proven that it gets worse as we get older, if left untreated. You MUST get help...I know they haven't given you any meds that work yet. But you have to keep trying.
People care about you. We all do. We only want to help you...to see you be able to live your life again. I don't ever want to see anyone go through what I have gone through in my life...ever. I try to help, but when it comes right down to it, we only have to help OURSELVES.
Is there any way you can get to a pdoc? You need a really realy good pdoc. Mine saved my life so many many times. I don't know where I would be without her. She's left the practice now...just had my last appt with her. But I have educated myself so much about BP and my disorders that I know what I need when.
You have to be proactive.
Its fine to come here and other places and complain and want to die all day long. We are BP. We have depressive, VERY depressive episodes. You just have to do what you have to do to get through it...there are lots of coping skills.
If I can help you, I will.
I do truly care!
Love and Hugs,
Keli
Marsha
mommy to Rylee Elizabeth 4/12/2005
Hi Mary,