feeling unreal worried that I will (trig

Avatar for alsmith32
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Registered: 03-27-2003
feeling unreal worried that I will (trig
5
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 6:51pm
I


Edited 9/12/2009 1:42 pm ET by alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 12:02pm

The unreal feeling you are experience is a sort of detachment/dissociation and can be dangerous if you ALLOW it to be. You are strong, and capable, Allie and you can DO this. Stop reading the diaries. Its so hard to not trigger ourselves when we are feeling this way.

Do you have a pdoc or a tdoc you can call?

What about a friend...? Someone to remind you that you are HERE IN THE MOMENT.

Stay safe. Keep talking. I'll stick around.

Hugs,

Keli

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Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 3:25pm

Hi Allie,


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Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 4:02pm
I am a little better but I feel unstable. I am trying to just concentrate on work but it's hard. I have been doing well for the past month, not even wanting to think about these things. Then here I am today thinking of plans/methods and i don't know if this is going to continue or if I can just pull back again to where I was. People are noticing that I am acting different because they have been asking me what's wrong and I find myself talking about how overwhelmed I am, which makes me feel even worse! Then they say "sorry you're having a bad day" and I don't want them to really know anything about me and then I am mad at myself that I can't just pretend like I'm fine. I feel like I've relapsed!! I didn't think it would be so bad looking back at my old diaries, I thought I would be stronger. I really want my t to read a couple entries because they capture my thinking process pretty well, do you think that's wrong to ask her to read a couple pages? I have an appt. with her next week I hope I can hang on until then. I have also been listening to some of my trigger songs which probably isn't the smartest either. I think I like to test myself which I why I do these things. I talked to my friend a little and she made me feel worse by saying that everybody has problems etc. which isn't good for me because then it makes me feel like I have failed since I haven't taken steps at least not recently - KWIM? Sorry for this rambling but I am not feeling overly coherent about my feelings right now.
Allie
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 12:57pm

Hey there...

I read your OP, and wanted to let you know that you WILL BE OKAY. Please please PLEASE put away those diaries, you don't need to reread them. I have done that myself, and then decided that I have to just destroy them, b/c it wasn't helping me at all reading over what happened in the past.

It's not wrong at all for your therapist to read some of your journal, if you are comfortable with it, by all means have her read it. I have taken mine to my therapy appointments in the past when I felt the need to do so.

Good luck to you... and keep on reaching out.

V

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Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 12:59pm

Hi Allie,


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