having a tought time dealing
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having a tought time dealing
| Sun, 10-08-2006 - 1:46am |
im sure a lot of this will sound really dumb to some of you but ya kno i just cant help it. im 20 years old and just recently had to move in with my mom with my son. it hasnt been going to great here. i found a job but its only part time cuz the town i live in thats pretty much all you can get. so im trying to find another job cuz ill work 2 or 3 if i have to. but living here is so stressing. for one the day after i moved in my mom and her partner told me to my face they dont want me here but i had nowhere else to go. so that is always in my head. and everything is a lecture from them, from the job issue to child support and everything. lately all i can seem to think about is houw much i want to end it. i know i have my son to live for, but he deserves a better mommy, i can admit im not metally stable to care for him. im not even stabel enough to take care of myself. when im with my friend john i have no worries and life is great. any other time im either pissed or bawling. i cant stop. i dont know what to do. i dont have money to go to a doctor or counselor. i cant talk to my mom or my sister. i rarely talk to anyone besides a few close guy friends. its jut been really hard. today ive just been mad and sad hurt. john promised me last night he would meet me after i got off work, never showed, i stayin in town for over an hour before heading him and did he come, NO. so that just hurt me to the max. we are sort of seeing each other but not wuite dating. idk its weird to explain. but these thoughts of ending it are just eating away at me and i cant take it.

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Hi Desiree,
Hi Desiree,
Hi Desiree,
Hi Desiree,
Hi Desiree,
I'm so glad that you have a friend like John. Those are hard to come by. I know that things seem overwhelming right now but we have to hold on to the hope that things will get better. I know you're in a hard situation but that will change. You are RIGHT that you have your son to live for. I know you think that you aren't a good mother but I'm sure that's not true. What's true is that no one is perfect. We all have resentments about our parents and our own ability as parents. Once we realize that our parents weren't infallible and we shouldn't expect ourselves to be, that's a step in the right direction.
I see that you have a real drive to work to get out of your situation. That's a good sign. You are stronger and more able than you know. Keep working
And Keep posting!
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