update on me. pos trigs
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| Sun, 10-15-2006 - 5:56am |
well a lot has been happening to me. I found out that I no longer have a T as of 10/11/06 bc the State of Iowa renewed their insurance laws and in order for me to see my T she has to be in a mental Health facilites instead of a mental health services, so now with my depression and bipolar I am a total mess. This new law wont grandfather her in and I have a huge problem with trust issues it took me 3 years just to open up to her about my abuse, and now the stupid state I live in dont give a rat's --- about who this is going to affect and how it is going to affect the people.
I am getting real bad with my depression I was trying to go off my Cymbalta ( which is another story in its self there ) real slowly but the depression got so bad and my moods were horrible also I was fighting with my DD everyday and I even called her the big B word and after it came out of my mouth I said I was sorry and cried all darn day bc I said that to her. So I decided to go back to the doc and try a different medicine and come to find out there isnt really a whole lot I can take due to my brain bleed, stroke, and I had seizures with those and I have a thyroid condition. I know I need something bc I or my family cant live like this I have smashed my fist into the wall,door, mirror I am afraid that the next time I will be by a window and go through it ya know and. My eating disorder is getting out of control but with my lovely thyroid condition I am not able to lose much actually I am gaining and now of all times is not a good time to be doing that. The scary thing is I am not afraid to die.
I am working on getting my kids back into public school I can no longer do home schooling and the ppl who I thought were my friends turned on me and tried to turn my kids against me, they were doing the home schooling for me bc I just couldnt do it any longer and come to find out they werent doing much of anything my 8 year old son cant read so I have to get him reading b4 I will put him into school, they had him memorizing books instead of reading the words. I am tired of getting hurt and burned by ppl who say that they care about me and my family then turn on me in a second when they cant understand me.
Mary

Hey Mary,
things are bad here I try to just act like everythings ok, I hate the state I live in bc by 1 word my T is getting let go in the new Iowa Plan it says that (the type of schooling she had that she has) to be in a mental center and where she is now well where she just was it was mental services so I am not going to go to another T, I did go back on a different medicine tho and what really stinks was her and I was opening a can of worms and now I have all these bad memories and flash backs all the time and dont know what to do with them. I tried to find the new plan online to read about it but cant find a thing, but I really wish I knew who to write to bc I am fit to be tied bc I am not doing good, and opening up that can of worms only a few weeks ago. and I am so ittatible now and depressed all at the same time. And it doesnt help that I havent had any sleep in a few days now.
I knew that if I got close to my T and opened up it would end up in her leaving or getting sick of me. and this is why I cant trust anyone.
Mary
Sorry to hear that things are so rough Mary.
I know how hard it is to open up to our pdoc or tdoc. Unfortunately that looks like it's the only option to find a new one now. I don't suggest it on your own, especially when you need your meds changed now. You mentioned in your second post that you changed meds. Who is rx'ing them. Do you at least have a family doctor who can monitor you?
Are you seeing a pdoc too? Is s/he covered under this new health act?
You said you don't know where to go? How about the Rape Centre or Sexual Assualt Healing boards. I don't know if there is one for PTSD either.
Hey Mary,