So depressed-Marriage going to He!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
So depressed-Marriage going to He!!
6
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:14pm

I dont know what to do anymore. NO matter what apparently i cannot do a dam* thing right. Apparently I am a horrible mother.... at least thats what T (husband) says. I love my little girl more than anything. She is my world. I wouldnt be here any longer if it wasnt for her. She is the only thing that makes me smile. Lately T has been so mean to me. He stopped smoking a month ago so i dont know if that is a part of it or not, but if it is i am ready to tell him to go back to smoking!!

Here is what recently happened:

Last night Rylee climbed out of her crib for the first time ever, and she fell between her crib and her dresser. T and I both ran in there b/c of course she was screaming. T picked her up and was like holding her out and she reached for me so I grabbed her and held her to calm her down. T started screaming at me to let him make sure she didnt break anything. I was checking her and she was moving around fine, and i didnt see any blood or anything. She was fine, just scared. I sat down on the floor with her and rocked her to calm her down. Then she started calming down and she was fine, running around as usual. T in the middle of all of this was out in the living room SCREAMING at me telling me i am a Stupid B!tch, a Dumb a$$, told me i am basically a worthless piece of Sh!t and one hell of a lousy mommy, because I didnt hand him to her to let him look her over. LIke he is a F***ing doctor or something! I was ignoring him during all this b/c i was tending to Rylee and wanted to keep her calm. Anyways, she ended up going to sleep.
Later on, when T and I were getting ready to go to bed (i didnt speak to him at all in the meantime, i was so hurt) i calmly told him (didnt want to start a fight and wake Rylee up) that i DID check her out to make sure she was ok, i was just trying to calm her down b/c she was scared from the fall. he goes "BS, I saw everything all you did was hold her". WHATEVER. Like i said my daughter is my LIFE. I love that sweet angel more than ANYTHING. of course i checked her over to make sure she is ok!!

I dont know what to do. The last month he has been pure evil to me.Like i said he stopped smoking-- dont know if thats a part of it or not, but if it is it isnt an excuse!! I have been crying all day at work b/c i feel horrible about the things he said to me. I have even been looking up divorce online. We used to be happy. I dont know what to do. I cant ever talk to him about the way he makes me feel bc he just gets defensive and it gets worse.

Marsha 

mommy to Rylee Elizabeth 4/12/2005 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:50pm

mo you know I dont think it has to do with him quitting smoking, he is a very abusive person, you dont have to do anything wrong and he will go off on you sis, you know I cant stand him at all. he is a teacher in his church but I yet he can treat his wife the way he does. sis you know you are a wonderful mother and he is only jealous that Rylee wanted her mommy and in order to check her out you would have to calm her down 1st you did nothing wrong. Dont let him get to you he is just a mean and nasty person. I do think you and him need to go into marriage T, and I think he needs to go into individual T also. Is it getting close to the ann. of his dads death? that may have a lot to do with it also. just remember sis I love you and you are a wonderful mommy

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:54pm
yeah i told him the other day when he was being a jerk that how can he treat me the way he does and be a youth pastor in the church!?! but u know nothing is his fault, its always me me me. He would never go to a T b/c he thinks he is perfect. and no its not close to his dads DD.

Marsha 

mommy to Rylee Elizabeth 4/12/2005 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:57pm

Hi Marsha,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 1:03pm

Tom and I have been in couceling b4, yrs ago with the pastor of his church. Tom doesnt lash out at Rylee, just me. He talks to me as if he hates me. A couple of days ago i told him that i dont think there is any more love in the marriage, im sick of being hurt all the time. And he said he loves me very much. Yet how can he when he treats me so badly?? I am constantly (especially the last month) being demeaned by him. He has completely killed my self esteem , and that wasnt hard to do. He makes me question myself constantly about how i am a mother to Rylee. Then (this is REAL funny) he is also constantly badgering me about wanting another child--- which i of course say "not now" we are not ready in ANY aspect- financially or otherwise.

Marsha 

mommy to Rylee Elizabeth 4/12/2005 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 1:09pm
yea I know he is well he may be perfect in the eyes of evil but not in others eyes and especially not in Gods eyes. Dont allow him to bring you down he is nothing but a dumb lil boy who thinks that the world revovles around him.
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:57pm

I'm so happy that you have your daughter to hold on to. Keep on holding on to that. She needs her mother even if you don't think so sometimes.


Yes quitting

Amanda