i just wanted to let you know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
i just wanted to let you know.
4
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 9:36pm

Coming here and typin and talking to all of you has gotten me through a very rough day. I had called my husband and asked to speak to him. he woldn't come to the phone, so i left a message that when he is ready to talk or for me to come home to call me. I can't just go home and pretend nothing is happening.

so i'm spending the night at my friends house. her and her husband are home with their 3 kids and their 3 dogs. it's quiet and peaceful. her and i went to pick up chineese food for dinner and to the grocery store and we talked a little about how i feel. she would like for me to stay here with her for a few weeks and her husband also. id o't know. i don't want to be in my house because it is bring me to the point of breaking but then againI don't want to intrude on her family and i know i needc to work things out with my own family.

One of the things i wanted to talk to my dh about was counseling for him and I and family counseling. if we have any hope of a futre as a couple or a family we need to get started.

i'm not sure how long i'll be here but i know i'm here atleast for tonight and i'm in a safe place. a place that i don't feel i need to hurt myself.

Libby

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 10-21-2006 - 10:28pm

Hi Libby,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 5:12pm

I didn't wake up today till 1:30, i didn't feel comfortable in my friends home i feel like i'm an intruder or that i'm in their way. so i got my things toghether and thought id head to the gym and swim some lapsl i didn't have it in me so i ended up coming home. i asked my son if he had his medicine and that set off a trigger with the other two girls. my dh told me to ignore them and just do what i want. so i came in here to check in. i'm going to do a little bit of laundry for my youngest for school and some laundry so my dh has something to wear to work this week. all my clothes are done i did them at my friends house last night.

he has agreed to have a family meetng tonight, but we'll see if he does and if anything positive comes from it.

i found a drink i live called butter shooters. you pour it in a milk shake and it is really good. jst enough to take the edge off. so i'm drinking one of them right now.

i'm tird so i'm going to put a load in the wash and laydown with my bedroom door locked and maybe take a nap for a while. i'll check in later.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

libby

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 7:21pm

coming home was a huge mistake! dh said we'd have a family meeting yea right didn't happen. i'm missing a bank that had quite a bit of change in it. the bank and the change is missing. i had him call the kids together and asked them about it and offered who ever found it money. he got mad at me. when they didn't find the bank i made a comment "see i told you it wouldn't show up" it's not about the dang money or the bank. it's about something missing that didn't belong to them and then lieing about it. it's about me trying to have a discussion with him about how i'm feeling about things right now and he getting mad and stomping off. I followed him and asked him to please just listen to me. i'm not asking him to come up with some magical solution to what is going on i just need a live face infront of me to talk to. to listen to how i'm feeling to understand the pain i'm going through. Now i think i'm coming here too much but honest to god it is the ONLY thing that is keeping me from crossing over that edge. maybe that and a little bit of cowardness. I feel like a coward because i cna't run my car into a tree or i feel like a coward because i can't grab that bag of pills and take them. right now i'm envying everyone who actually suceeded in their own death. god knows i'm a failure i cna't even do that!

Libb

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 11:41pm

Hi Libby,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket