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| Mon, 10-30-2006 - 9:32pm |
I'm here. i haven't had access to a computer in a while. i'm taking my xanax and ambien. i seem to be taking the xanax much more now. it says 1/2 pill to 1 pill 3 x a day i'm taking 1 pill 2 x a day.
Tonight I took the two girls i'm having the most trouble with and i took them to see my sister that i haven't seen in almost two years. we talk on the phone and live about 50 miles away but she works so much we don't get to see each other. so it cost me about 20 in gas and 4 in tolls. we met at a resteraunt and spent almost 2 hours there just talking and catching up and letting my two dd's catch up with her dd. I got to see my nephew who just turned 7 and he is also my god son.
When i got home i've been arguing with my dh for the past hour and a half about me spending the money to go see my sister. right now one of the things that is depressing me is i have no family left. my father moved and i have no forwarding address or telephone number i've been waiting for him to call me but haven't heard anything and it's been 2 months. my mother passed away and my aunts all live out of state. i haven't seen my other 3 sisters in 5 or so years by choice because of the life style they chose. so my 1 younger sister and i stay in contact by phone and she was actually off today so i went to see her and i feel i have to defend myself for going to spend time with my sister. his sister lives wtih us and his nephew he sees his mother and his sisters and i feel like i have no fammily left. yes i have him and 6 kids but it's different and i'm sure you all know what i mean.
he needs to have control of everything. oh he gives me control of cleaning the house making sure homework is done and the laundry. but all money he wants me to give him. right now if i buy a soda i have justify that. I watch 1 little girl for 130.00 a week and out of that i buy groceries and have lunch with my friend 1 day a week and it's only maybe 2 weeks out of the month. he basicly is telling me i'm good for nothing. my rx's this month will cost me over 350.00 so i told him i'm not going to fill them so he can save that money to use towards the furnace we had to have put in friday. it cost us almost 600.00 and that was with a warrenty. I don't know what else he wants me to do.
the dr. just put me on the lantus injection pen and the lantus is going to cost more then what i'm paying now. he also wants to put me on a insulin pump and i said no because we can't afford it. i've stopped taking my diabetic meds because i can't afford to get them filled right now. I haven't beeen to the dentist to get the fillings i need because we can't afford that either! I'm supposed to go for my remicaide treatment friday but i'm not going because i don't have the gas money to go or the 65.00 for the co pay.
i spent last weekend with my friend and i spent the night at her house last night so she could take her son to the hospital this morning for his surgery. she offered to pay me but we are friends and i told her no.
I just don't know how much more of this i can stand. His sister is moving out tomorrow and he said he will be taking her bedroom as his own and the girls will keep their bedroom in the basement.
I'm taking it day by day now and instead of hour by hour but i feel that if i get through the night tomorrow is going to be really rough and i'll just have to take it hour by hour.
the good thing is the little one i watch is supposed to go to art class and they are having a halloween party so i have to be there tomorrow at 12 with her but then the ret of the day i'll be home watching my nephew while my sil moves things out of our garage. she is going to stay through the weekend but then she will be moving out.
I know i'm not going to be able to sleep tonight even if i do take a xanax and a ambien. so i'll probally just stay on here and catch up.
libby

Hi Libby,
we've been everywhere trying to get help for meds but nothing. every oncein a while a dr. will give me enough samples for a week or two but thats it. i was at the store today an dmy sugar dropped really low. i didn't have my blood kit with me but i know it was probally in the 80's i almost passed out i dropped to the floor. someone came running i was able to tell her i was a diabetic and she went and got me some sugar packets and i ate them. it brought my sugar up and i called my husband got into an arguement with him. we still aren't talking. i bought candy to hand out tonight and my son didn't have a costume so i bought him black sweat pants black sweat shirt and some makeup for his face. all the girls put their costumes toghether. i didn't even have enough change to buy a soda. i barely made it home and i'm so depressed and angry right now it's going to take every bit of energy i have just to make it through tonight. trick or treating is from 6-8 around here to i have to hold it together till 8. my dd's best friends's step mother died the other day so we are dealing with that now too. I envy her she doesn't have to deal with the pain in life anymore.
He has always been controlling and it took me a long time to get just the little bit of control that i do have. I got paid 130.00 yesterday 25 of that went to my dd's co pay for her dd appointment, 15 of it went to the other dd's co pay for a dr. appt 20 of it went for gas and 20 of it went for the kids and i to have dinner with my sister i spent the rest on gas today sweats and candy for my son and i'm broke! i have no money to last the rest of the week. good thing is though the kids have off school thursday and friday an d monday and tuesday. my friend is going out of town so i'm going to stay at her house and watch the dogs and she always has food for me there while i'm at her house.
I'm just so fed up i'll TRY to come on later
Libby