I thought this was a safe place to go!!!
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I thought this was a safe place to go!!!
| Tue, 10-31-2006 - 9:13pm |
but now i find out it's not. so someone here tracked me down and contacted my husband he has all the messages i wrote and is now using them against me. he had me blocked in my bedroom tonight and won't let me leave is threatening to call the police.
the ONE place i thought i could trust and now even YOU i can't trust ;you'll probbally send him this too. so now i'm sitting here waiting for the police to come and lock me up and put me in a hospital. i hate people i hate life and i hate my own.l
I thought i could trust you well that just goes to show you can't trust anyone not even yourself!!!!

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Whoa...
I wasn't on here til this morning, and I found your posts. I'm really sorry that you are feeling angry, I can certainly understand that. You have to realize, though... this IS a safe place to go -- I read through your posts and I can see that you are hurting so much that you want to die. Honey, do you think that people here want you to hurt yourself like that? People are taking you seriously, and the reason that someone contacted your husband is because they CARE.
You need to stay safe, and if you are safe in the hospital, than that's a good thing. Please get the help you need.
Hi Libby
How are you doing today?
How do you know someone here told your husband? If he knows anything about computers all he'd have to do is go onto the computer you use and find your history, what web sites you visit, and from there it's not too hard to figure out which screen name you are since he knows you well. Even if you erased your online history, there are ways of finding out. DH showed me but I forgot how.
I don't know if your husband is abusive. If he is, call the police. Or email them if you have to, since you obviously have access to the internet.
Edited 11/1/2006 3:41 pm ET by bluerains
Yes i'm here. i'm angrier then ever. my first thought was someone here tracked me down and contacted him. after talking to him lastnight he says he got the info from my sil and my mil. yes i was angry all day yesterday and it showed. i went to see my sister for the 1st time in 2 years and he complained and yelled at me for spending the money for more then 24 hours. I wasn't planniing on having a house full of people because of the way i was feeling and didn't want to deal with all those people so i guess the anger showed. my sil got a moving truck and moved most of her stuff out of my garage yesterday that was already planned because she found a house to rent and because of the blow up last night she moved the rest of her stuff out today. she was supposed to stay through the weekend to help me with somethings that needed done but has decided to leave instead. my dd stayed home from school faking sick so she could help my sil move today.
personally i'm glad she is gone. she just gives way too much adult information to my teens who don't need to know about her sex life.
My dh threatened me today if i didn't make a dr. appointment and he would go with me he would do what ever he had to do to get me out of the house. so we have an appointment at 12:30 tomorrow to see a phyciatrist. I take my meds but he isn't taking his.
I think for tonight i'm going to take a hot shower take my meds early and just sleep through the night it's the easiest way i can get through this.
I was really angry that someone here contacted my dh (if that is what really happened) and I know i'm angry and upset now but i know that later i will be greatful.
I know that i love him and my kids with all my heart and when i get so depressed and i just want it to go away and i think about my bad places that i try to come here to find someone to talk to but usualy there isn't anyone here. like last night it was really really bad and i was afraid to call the suicide hotline because i was afraid they would contact me or find me and lock me up. I cna't go through that again. sometimes i just need someone to listen and right now my dh isn't that person i guess because he has his own deamons he's dealing with.
Thank you all for your encouraging words and i'll try to check back in later. i am trying to call my dh at work and his celphone to find out how soon he will be home because i don't want to be here by myself when my sil gets back. I want to go to bed and just sleep through my feelings.
i'm rambling now
Libby
Hi Libby,
Yes he is a computer programmer. so that is how he found out. i guess he is checking up on me. i've been dropping him some hints and trying to get him to understand how upset and frustrated ive been he has noticed how much i've been on the computer and did a search. what set everything off last night is he told me everyone at our house told him that i told them i was goig out to kill myself. I had thought about it which is why i spent a lot of time down here posting and reading and trying to through those feelings instead of spending time with his family. I told him that this message board is the only place i can come and open up at how i feel at that moment and he has printed out my message and the responses and will use them against me in court. well atleast we are going for an appt. together tomorrow to see my dr. which is what i've been tring to get him to do.
I need to have surgery on my foot. I have two fluid filled tumors on y left ankle that they said can't just be drained because they would just grow back. i have a fibroid tumor on the bottom of my foot that has beeen removed 4 times and the last time i spent 2 1/2 months in a wheel chair. they said this time i will be in the wheel chair about 3 months or so and that scares me because i'm not one to sit home and do nothing. they also want to do a round of radiation on it to make sure they get the root of it.
This is the least of my worries and many many people have it harder then i do. he says that me coming here and talking to you all is just a way of me trying to make people think i am a victim and to get sympothy? is that true is that what 'm doing? i don't know at this point. I would like some opinions on this.
I thought i was just looking for a place to go and talk about what I was feeling to other people and to see how they cope and maybe learn something for myself to learn how to cope.
Libby
Hey Libby,
it's been a day full of lots of tears. everytime i talk to him he is mean and critical and threatening. I told him when i get like this sometimes all i need is a hug and him to tell me it's going to be ok. he isn't a very emotional person and i am. a hug means a lot to me.
I got to speak to thephyiatrist for just a few minutes and dh took up the rest of the time. most of what he said was true but some of it was lies too. i understand he is in a lot of emotional stress dealing with me and my mental illness and with the stress with the finances and especially the disrespect and behavior of the kids. now he has to deal with his mom and everything else. honestly i don't know how he does it without going off the deepend. he is a stronger person than i am. he doesn't seem to need a hug or want one during a difficult time. I do. when i'm at my lowest i need a hug from him to let me know he still cares and that it's going to be alright and that i'm not alone that he will help me through this. he knew when he married me that i had a mental illness and he accepted that. granted he didn't knnow how bad it could get but he accepted it for the long haul as i have accepted his faults for the long haul.
I'm at my friends house sitting for her dogs. I brought my soon to be 13 year old with me and she is watching tv and playing with the dogs.
Tomorrow I got to the hospital for a remicaide treatment and i'll be there all day. my dd will go with my and my dh will pick me up here and take me and then drop me offf back here. i'll sleep most of the weekend as that is a side effect of the remicaide.
I got a number and name for a therapist and i left a message for her so i hope she calls back soon. if i don't hear from her by tomorrow i will call her again on monday.
Thank yu are for being here to listen and D if you are reading this just sit and listen to me and maybe you will find out exactly what it is i'm looking for from you. you keep telling me you don't know what i want you to do. well if you read and really listen it willl tell you what i need from you right now.
Libby
Hi Libby,
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