Does the date matter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Does the date matter?
7
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 6:37pm

Coming out from lurking...sorry I haven't posted here before.

I have handled everything I need to handle to (finally!) stop hurting. Method, location, and conviction in my decision are no longer factors. Timing is all I need to figure out. So, does the date matter? I'll have to wait till I get my paycheck, so my dh doesn't end up on the street for lack of house payment money. And next weekend is my ex's b-day. We still talk, we get along - I don't want him to think he has anything to do with this. Sometime this month, too, is the anniversary of my mom's mother's death - I don't know what day, but I hate to think of the double-whammy on my mom if I pick that date by accident. And after next weekend is the start of the holidays!!

So, does the date matter? Is that what will stand out for those few people who will notice I'm gone - that I died on such-and-such day? And if it does matter THAT much, any suggestions for coping till after the holidays are over?

(Holy crap, that's a long way off. I'm not sure I'd make it that long even if I wanted to!)

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 9:54pm

Hello and welcome to the board... I am glad you found us!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:30pm

Thank you for taking time to reply.

I need to set something straight here. I was asking an opinion about what a survivor might remember more - the date or the event. I don't want counseling, and it is my belief that mood and state of mind altering drugs are a greater evil than dealing with the hand I was given. I guess I'm just a big dirty hippie that way. I have not seen a doctor of medicine or a doctor of the mind, and I will not. Like I said in my original post, my resolve is not the question here. If there was someone I could reach out to, I still wouldn't - why make their guilt worse than it already will be?

Thanks for the concern. Really. But what I'm after is advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 1:37am

What hurts me the most is the event and the date.

My cousin commited suicide in june 1 month before her 20th wedding anniversary. that date lives on in my mind at the date she died.

my grand mother passed away from cancer on october 17th 20 years ago. both months are very very hard for me to deal with.

If you are going to do something any day anytime and anyway you do it will always be a painful memory for those left behind. that is the one thing that is keeping me going. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Libby

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 11:46am

Hi Jypsi!


We're glad you've found this wonderful community!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:22pm

Thank you, Libby, for an answer to the questions I asked. I appreciate the input.

I seek an outside opinion because the deaths I have faced all blurred together - 6 people in 5 months - so that the dates are lost, and only the events remain. I know this makes me an exception. I'm sure most people remember the dates. I know that my aunt and my great-grandmother heralded the start of the deaths, both dying on the same day in August, and the dying ended that December. But I can't rememebr what days any of them were. I guess I hope that, in the end, the date wont matter, and the method won't matter - I hope that if I am remembered at all, it will be for the good things I did in this life.

But, given the option, I'd rather be forgotten than remembered with hate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 2:56pm

Yes and no.

Anytime you killed yourself would be a major trauma for your loved ones.

But doing it around the holidays, someone's birthday or anniversary, etc. would be worse becasue it's supposed to be a happy time and many people look forward to it and need that happy time as a way to get through the rest of the year. So I'd think having a major trauma or death in the family during the holidays would be much worse.

Becuase, if the holidays are the worst time of the year, how can they get through the rest of it? People need something good to look forward to or they can't make it through another day (and you obviously know how that feels!) So I think the timing does matter.

I answered your question literally because that's what you seem to want and need to hear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 4:04pm
That you for the frank nature of your response. This is exactly the kind of information I was looking for. :)