going good
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| Fri, 11-03-2006 - 8:43pm |
things are going good for me now, ( bout darn time ). I have been taking my meds like I am pose to and plan on taking them like I am pose to I am really going to give Risperdal a good chance I haev to become a better mom and friend then I have been here lately, I have been rude and just plain mean to ppl who love me and care for me, and I am sorry for that.
my moods are still up and down and now I am having feelings that everyone is out to hurt me and that I have no one in my life that I can trust but I know that isnt true, but sometimes it is hard to realize what is true and wat isnt true. my feelings get hurt so bad and so easily. I dont understand this whole bipolar stuff that I have read.
when I fought with the police to take me into the ER I was slammed to the ground ( which I deserve it ) but something happened to my back and I have been on vicidin and on flexerall and have had 3 shots for the pain now and nothing is helping it, I just hope the pain will ease up b4 Monday DH is going back to work on Monday and it will be all up to me to get the things dones arouind the house and to do schooling.
Schooling is a different subject in its self, I wantd to put the kids back into public school the 9th of this month just bc it is so hard on me and my DH said no he wanted to wait till they were some what caught up but I just cant handle it anymore but he just doesnt understand that I cant do it any longer, it is driving me up the wall and it is so draining fighting with them to do their schooling and with my moods the way they are is isnt fair for my kids' education to make them wait another year b4 they go into public school, How can I make him understand that I just cant take the stress of it any longer.
Now I am rambling on, just wanted to let yall know I am doing good and have made safe steps for me to continue to be here my DH is going to take all my meds except what I need for the day and he knows that no matter what I do or how much I beg him he can not give them back to me, I have to beable to stay safe and this is the only way for now at least.
thanks ya'll
Mary

Hey Mary,
Yea it is about time I have a happy icon by my name, I am really feeling good these last few days all but my back, yea this cop and a staff from the ER wouldnt give me a few mins to gain control over myself again I didnt go when they wanted me to go so they threw me on the ground but I guess that is what they thought they had to do, Yes I am safe now and I had to give some of my control over to my DH in order to stay safe, and it doesnt bother me so much. I dont know how long this mood will last but I am loving it, they say I have bipolar and I guess I have been in denial for some time now, but I am starting to realize that I do have it and I have to take steps to better the life of my family and if that means I have to take meds for this then I will have to.
Homeschooling well that is a touchy subject for me I feel as if I have failed my kids for pulling them out of public school then thinking about how much they have lost out I feel bad also. I told DH that next year they are going back no matter what I just cant do it any longer and so far he seems to understand, I do have an amazing DH and I do truely love him but I tell ya sometimes I think that he just cant grasp the consepts of things and then I haev to realize that he ia a man and that is how men are, lol.
but all is good here for the most part, DH goes back to work Monday he has been off for a week to help me out and wow I am going to miss the help and the company, but I will be just fine.
my goals are to become the best mother, wife, friend, daughter that I possibly can be and to be kind to myself.
Mary