off topic but feel safe here & need advi

Avatar for alsmith32
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Registered: 03-27-2003
off topic but feel safe here & need advi
17
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 10:56pm
A


Edited 9/12/2009 1:41 pm ET by alsmith32

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 3:31pm

I think this is good advice. Once something happened the best thing to do is accept it. As long as it's not going to happen again, of course.

"I know the feeling of needing to be rescued. ...Some would say it's a need for attention which I half agree and half disagree with."

The reason I want to be rescued is, life is hard. I don't want attention and in fact can't stand to be the center of attention. But life is hard and I want to be rescued from all that stuff...like paying bills, driving, getting and keeping a job, driving to that job, etc.

Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 7:26pm
I met with my T. It was a very uncomfortable session. I could tell she was very angry with me. Of course she was professional and she didn't say anything judgmental, but I could just tell by the way she was talking. Almost too nice. So I think that made me feel more real about the whole thing. She was obviously the first person I told in person. The fact that she was probably disappointed in me really hit home. She's been working with me and my dh for over a year now to fix this problem and now look and see what I did! I felt like saying "I'm sorry" to her but I didn't because really the one who I should be saying that to is my dh. but I not going to tell him, this would serve no purpose other than to hurt him, which I don't want to do. I feel kind of numb about this. I don't feel real guilt. It's weird. I agree it was wrong and if it was someone else I would judge them for it. But somehow in my mind I do not feel guilty. Don't know what to make of that. It's like I have moved on in my thoughts and I am completely over the whole thing. I mean, I am completely confident now that I would not repeat it, at all, even if he called me up and invited me to visit(which isn't going to happen anyway). At least I am to that point. I agree with Amanda that I think one reason I don't feel so guilty is because some positive things came out of this. Increased desire, knowing I can feel desire at all. This is not an excuse. Or a reason. I felt worse after my session, which honestly is probably a good thing. I should feel bad. So that's where I am at. Kind of in limbo I guess. But at least processing it.
allie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 7:16pm

Allie,

I'm sorry your therapist made you feel worse and not better.

Maybe she was in shock instead of being mad at you. I'm not sure why she would be mad at you.

I'm glad you're processing things. There's no right or wrong way to feel, no way you "should" or "should not" feel. Emotions don't follow rules like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 3:32pm

"The reason I want to be rescued is, life is hard. I don't want attention and in fact can't stand to be the center of attention. But life is hard and I want to be rescued from all that stuff...like paying bills, driving, getting and keeping a job, driving to that job, etc."


Yes I totally understand. That's how I feel too. I don't want attention. I want things to change and I can't seem to make it happen on my own. That's when we need people to be there for us. Sometimes it would be so nice to take a break from all of our responsibilities, bills etc.


Be sure to take some time for yourself, that will make living life a bit easier and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.


And keep posting.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 2:28pm

This is the first time I have been to this board and I have not read all the responses to your post. I just hooked on your comment that you are "not in God's grace anyway" and sweetie it is impossible for you to not be in God's Grace. You are Gods living enterprise!

As for your thing with this other guy - maybe you needed someone to remind you that you are alive and you deserve to feel passion and desire. It is whatever ever you think it to be. You could easily focus on the need to keep feeding that feeling or you could just as easily appreciate the wake-up call and use it as an impetus to make positive changes in your life that value you.

If your therapist judges you - get a new therapist. We cannot make positive changes in our lives when we burden oursleves with guilt, shame and judgment. Love yourself enough to appreciate the good and learn from that which does not support your happiness and well being. Judgment has no place in the equation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 10:08am

Wonderfully said, sjmystic and welcome to the board! Hugs, Lori

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Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 8:29am
T


Edited 9/12/2009 1:39 pm ET by alsmith32

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