Whats the point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Whats the point?
5
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:27pm
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Last year around Thanksgiving my husband says he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Later I find out he had a girlfriend and thats why we split. He was a bum and he was abusive and I couldn't even keep him around. I thought by now I would have found someone new but survey says no one wants to go out with a fat girl. I now live with my brother and his family and they care about me very much. But they have their own problems without having to deal with mine. I feel pathetic and useless, hopeless. All I feel is pain. I have no purpose, no friends, no life. So, whats the point? I'm starting to think (again) that maybe, just maybe the awful things my ex used to tell me were true. I thought I broke out of that cycle. I've been to the Breaking up is hard to do and domestic abuse boards and it helped for a while. Now I just feel like I'm a strain on my brothers family, and that I'm totally alone. As the days go by I hate myself more and more. And if my ex knew that this is how I felt, he'd be thrilled. Seven years we were together and I gave him everything. And I did it all for nothing, just to be thrown away like trash. After all that time together, and knowing that he doesn't give a sh*t about me makes it worse. I just want to stop feeling anything anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 4:19pm

Hi Jaded,

It's probably harder than ever right now because it sounds like it's the anniversary of your husband's leaving. This must be the worst time for you. But eventually you'll think of him less and less. It takes time to heal.

I'm glad you have a loving family. I know the feeling and worry of being a burden though. But everyone has to depend on their family sometimes.

Eventually you'll be able to move out even if you can't afford to now.

"I thought by now I would have found someone new but survey says no one wants to go out with a fat girl."

Maybe you're just not ready yet to date again. It sounds like you're still thinking about your ex a lot, which is natural. I don't think it's a good idea to date while you're on the rebound and until you are more over your ex.

But don't beat yourself up over your looks. I have a cousin who's somewhat obese but she's still beautiful becuase she does a great job with her hair, makeup, and clothes. Maybe you can get a makeover, you never know. And just look around at couples you see, a lot of people are not very attractive, so don't worry too much about that. Beauty fades, but inner beauty is forever.

Look Jaded- by this time next year, you could be in your own apartment, maybe 10 pounds lighter, with a great new hairstyle, and a new boyfriend. But it sounds like your ex will always be a piece of dirt. Ahem. You'll leave him in the dust eventually.




Edited 11/29/2006 4:23 pm ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 5:08pm

Hi Jaded_1,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:31pm
I just wanted to thank you both for taking the time to read my post. I'm doing better today and I've been doing some real hard soul searching. I guess what I realize is that I don't want to take my own life but the day I wrote that post, I just wished that God would take me. The pain is still there, but not to the point to where it is unbearable. Like I've read on this board "tomorrow always comes" or something kind of like that. I'm waiting for my benefits to kick in from my job so I can go to conseling, I know that I need it. And it couldn't have been more clear the day I posted. When I left my ex, I went to the dr. that day because I thought I was going to lose it. He put me on Prozac and I stayed on it for a month. I hated the thought of being on meds so I weened myself off, I also felt that I didn't need them anymore. I felt fine, and that continued until about August. I knew that it was time to file for divorce and get it over with, and it seems that that was when I started going downhill again. Maybe if I had filed right away, I'd be past all this by now. I'm rambling. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for listening and the warm welcome. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 5:45pm

Hi Jaded,

I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope you stay. It sounds like you're headed in a good direction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 9:12pm

Hi Jaded,


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket