I've just had enough
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 11-30-2006 - 1:58am |
When I got home the 2 girls were sleeping and their chores or homework wasn't done. I asked them to get up and get started. they laid there. i went into their room atleast 5 times asking them to get up and get started. now we have been taking things away from them when they don't do what they are told. a necklas a nick nack or something and i told them i will throw it out at a gas station if they don't get up and get started. now i can't be that mean so i keep the things in a box in my friends house and i will not give them back to them until they are much older or when tey move out on their own. Well that isn't working either. I went in to tell my 17 year old E to get out of bed and take out the trash. it's her job this month. Yes i can do it myself but i dn't feel it is teaching them responsibility. she wouldn't answer me and just stayed there. i went in several more times and she wouldn't answer me or get up. i pulled the blanket off of her and she looked at me with evil in her eyes. I took her by her sweat shirt and pulled her to get her up. she is 5'9" and she weights 197lbs. so i couldn't just drag her out of bed. well she swung her arm at me and told me to leave her alone. so i grabbed her shirt and told her to get up and not to swing her arm at me again. so the other one comes into the room 15 A and she starts screaming at me that they don't have to listen to me and that they wished i'd leave that I "Don't belong there" what???????? They tell me that their dad tells them that he wishes i'd just leave. so ofcourse when i tell him about it he says i'm just letting them get to me. I asked him are you saying stuff like that to them? he says no. then i saw we need to confront them together! he says no i'm acting like a teenager. I don't think i am. it's like he wants to avoid the subject becausehe is guilty of saying it. Well my 15 year old called me a Bi___ and I automaticly smacked her in her face. not even hard enough to leave a mark just to give her the message hey you aren't going to talk to me like that. she swung back and smacked me and dug her nails into my wrist and it started to bleed. so she puts her hands up and I smacked her and she just went off and kept hitting me over and over. my dh then stepped in and told me to leave!!! and not come by. i'm sorry but i'm NOT going to let my kid call me a name like that and get away with it. so we argue i grab my gym bag and decide i'm going to leave. he comes into our bedroom and shuts the door and we are trying to talk but he keeps screaming and i'm trying to tell him that him screaming at me is showing them they win because now they have him mad at me and screaming at me and telling me to get out. in the mean time my oldesrt dd age 19 comes and wants to ask me a question so she opens the door and she asks the question i tell her i can't deal with that right now because we are in a discussion and she looks like she has her jacket her purse and her keys and i reminded her she couldn't go out tonight because she had to clean her room because it really smells. she said she was going out anyway. i told her no you live in my house and my rules and you will do what we say. after you clean your room then you can go but you have to be home intime for your curfew. she said no she is leaving then and she would come in when she wanted to. i told her to give me her key because if she wasn't home by her curfew she could call me and i'd decide if i would let her in. so dh picks up and try's to get the key from her. All I wanted was for her to finally realise that hey your not getting away with this anymore. I didn't have plans to lock her out. i just wanted her to have to call and have her let her in. so that kinda blew up.
so I go to walk out the door with my gym bag and then my 15 year old has gotten mad the one i got into a fight with and took off. so dh gets in his car and takes off. so i go to my car and realise i forgot something but my 17 year old was standing in my way and wouldn't move so i just walked past her. and on my way back through the hall she was still standing there with her arms crossed and wouldn't move so i pushed passed her. she then told me she was going to hit me. I turned around and looked her dead in the eye and i told her "then go ahead" she got up close to my face and took her hand and hit me with such force that my head snapped back I was stunned! my other kids are screaming and crying at this time. I reached over and smacked her on the arm and told her she had better never hit me again. I was so mad and hurt that I told her that from this moment on she was dead to me. I could see the anger build in her eyes and the hurt just take over her face. I could't help it. i was so stunned her or her other sister has never hit me before! just as i'm walking out of the house and trying to get the younger kids to get in the car so we could go somewhere she is telling them that if they go with me i'm goign to kill them. so i ended up getting two of the younger ones in the car so we could leave just till dh got home or things calmed down. well he pulled in behind me in the drive way and came in the house and basicly said he didn't want to live with any of us anymore and didn't want to speak to me ever again. so what did that teach them. that yet again they were able to turn us against each other.
So the two fo them 17 and 15 have taken off outside with the cordless phone and called their aunt. she didn't answer the phone but called me back and wanted to know what was going on. i told her what happened and she was we need some major counseling. well no kidding!!!!!
I also must admit that after my dd hit me in the face I went into their room grabbed the nearest things from their dresser and crashed them to the floor. I know it was immature and it wasn't the right thing to do and how stupid it was. there isn't no excuse for my behavior all i can say is that when she hit me i was stunned and that was my first reaction.
I have scratches that are bleeding up and down my arms and a bruise in the shape of her handpring on the side of my face.
So i took a xanax an ambien and drinking a glass of wine.
my 19 year old is still out and i have no idea when or if she is coming home tonight.
my 17 and 15 year old are out and i have no idea where they are either. i know they will come home because there is no where for them to really go. but i do worry that nothing happens to them while they are out there.
Libby
i'm sorry it was so long i just needed to get this off my chest.

Hi Libby,
It sounds like life is pretty overwhelming right now.
Hey Libby,
Libby,
That sounds awful for everyone involved. I think you need a mediator who specializes in family violence. Get intervention now before the violence escalates. If the girls get violent with the wrong person they could end up in a dangerous situation and someone will get hurt. They need to learn other ways of dealing with conflict and it's too much for you to handle by yourself.
I think you should ask your therapist to refer you to someone who can help with this. Preferably someone who has experience in teaching people how to be assertive instead of aggressive.
Edited 11/30/2006 7:51 pm ET by bluerains
Yes Lori I understand so much of what you are saysing.
yes my oldest has a job and is supposed to be paying rent. it goes to her father and i found out last night she is behind 1,000 dollars and that is also what we paid to get her car fixed and for her celphone bill.
I think he is also so tired of all of this that he is just shutting down and doesn't want to deal wiht it.
My very best friend is a Cop and she is a Sergent she has also suggest that I leave for a while and that I could stay with her. ( I am at her house tonight actually)
I went to therapy today but my dh didn't show up. he did say he would make the meeting for monday but i'm not hooding my breath. I come froma very abusive family and i can recognise some of those traits starting to come out inmyself now and I hate that. I doj't want my kiids to be afraid of me or to hate me but again I w on't be treated like this either.
I think it is very late and my ambien is kicking in so i'm not making sense and my spelling is bad so i'll check in tomorrow
Hi Libby,
Yes I had all of my kids in girl scouts gymnastics, dance and in soccer and each one quit when they didn't want to do it anymore. All the do now is sit in the couch watch tv or get on the coputer and go on my space. i'f i'm sitting in a room watching tv doing homework with one of the kids or anything for that matter the one that is almost 17 E just constantly walks by and makes comments to me like "why don't you leave no one wants you hear anyway" or "i hate you" or "why don't you just die" "or she will have this evil grin and giggle and look me in the face and make them. I ignore it for as long as i can and when i get to my breaking point it is either I snap and yell and go off on them or i have to leave which then her evil additude turns to one of the other kids! I'm telling you i'm so close to the edge right now that i'm holding onto a shoe string!
Tonight i'm suppoed to go to my nephew and his girlfriends baby shower. My sil said she would help come in and drive the kids there. as there are 6 kids i can't get them all in my car. now me being the adult an 11 year old boy and a 9 year old girl and maybe even a 13 year old girl doesn't need to go to a baby shower. but when i'm not arround she keeps promising them they can go and they can help with the decorations. I told her that the earlies i could leave would be 5 to get to her house because my son doesn't get home from school till that time. so she says she will come out and help drive some of the other kids in. well of course that didn't happen.
When we told our 19 year old that she had to be home by her curfew she didn't come home and has been staying with her aunt. this is the same aunt who is having the baby shower for her son and his girlfriend. Several years ago when i offered to let my nephew stay with us so he'd have a safe place to stay she told me no or she would disown us. He didn't stay with her. he was the same age as my dd is now. sonow the tables are turned and she is allowing my dd to stay there. i feel that is hipicriticle. now one of the problems i have with my dd staying there is that for 19 she is very nieve she lets peolple use her. Her aunt who will be 40 and has been divorced for several years and has been with some very abusive men and is a bartender goes into detail about her sexlife with all these men. i'm sorry but she doesn't need to be talking to my child at any age about her sex life. and it's not just my 19 year old dd it's my 17 year old and 15 and 13 year old dd's who she is talking to about her sex life.
The other day before she moved out of our house my 9 year old dd was watching her put her make up on and watching her get dressed. my 9 year old asked her where she was going and she said "i'm going to get some bootie call" i didn't eve know what that was. so i walked in and asked her hey A what is a bootie call and she said i'm going to get some sex with this guy I work with" mean while my 9 year old walked in behind me and heard the whole conversation!
This is the kind of crap i'm dealing with. when i tell my dh aout this he tells me i'm over reacting and to let it go. i'm sorry as a parent I can't i feel it is innapropriate behavior and when we argue about it he tells me i'm acting like a teenager!!!!
I don't want to leave the house tonight and stay somewhere else because it shows to them that they have won and have driving me out of the house which is exactly what they tell me to my face they want. And I know that If i leave it will put a bigger wedge between my husband and myself. we have been married for almost 20 years and i'm at the point that i am not going to let them come between us but they already have. I already feel like i dn't have a life, a husband or a family anymore, so where do I go from here. is there a road ahead of me is it a earthquake road like it is not. because i honestly don't think i cansurvive a road like this much longer. i'm trying and trying to hold myself together and try to keep it together but i feel a little piece of my sanity and my heart slip away each day.
Robin