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| Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:48pm |
As you know we have been trying to get ahold of the kids behavior by taking things away. I have taken some small items and i put them in a box at my friends house to be determined when they would be returned. well as i told you the other night that after one of my dd's called me a bi and i slapped her she came at me and tore up my arms with her fingernails and my other dd told me she was going to hit me and she did she slapped my face to the point that my head snapped back and i fell off balance in to a wall of windows in my kitchen. i then did the unadult thing and walked into their room and picked up small nick nack and broke them on the floor. sense that night I've tried to appalogise to them and tell them that what I did was wrong and i'm the adult and should not have acted that way and that maybe some day in the future they would be able to find it in their hart to forgive me for that behavior. I also let it know that their behavior of hitting me was unaccaptable and if and when they were ready to talk about it I would be there to listen. well both of them told me to my face that they hated me and why didn't i just go and kill myself and make everyone happy. it hurt it hurt to the core of my being. but i know they are kids and they are hurting and they art just trying to lash out and hurt me any way they can.
The problem is they took my keys, on the key ring is the only key i have to my car, my house key, my friends house key and the two police officers i baby sit for and watch their houses for them their keys. it's been several days of me searching for my keys and i can't find them. I now how to go to each of these people and tell them that A. i lost their keys or B. that my daughters stole my keys nd won't give them back. i've searched the whole house. so unless they hid them ouside somewhere, gave them to a friend to hold, or their sister is holding on to them (which i don't trust because two of their her friends were just locked up for breaking and intering (hense the midnight curfew).
I'm feeling very very down and stressed today. i can't walk past one of them with out one of them "accidently" bumping into me making a nasty comment or just shooting the hatred looks. my husband is so upset he is ready to leave. I told him he needs to stand by me on this one.
My 16 almost 17 year old is supposed to go to her aunts friends house to pain fish on her playroomw all. I told my dh that we need to tell the kids and stand together and get them together that if my keys aren't returned, the groceries put away and their room straight and additude stopped she wouldn't be alloud to go! so he got very angry with me put the leaf blower down and walked into the house with me and told themthis. they keep denying that they took my keys and he believes them. i've torn this house apart looking for my keys!
my dh told me to get in the car and go somewhere (again i don't have a key to my far) or go take a xanax and a ambien and go sleep for a while. and quite frankly that is looking better and better everyday. those thoughts of my tree and my wall have been steadily popping into my head and i avoid driving down that stretch of road just so i can avoid the temptation.
I don't know if this is the riht board for me to come to i don't know if i'm alloud to come here but i do know that just someone out there listening to how i'm feeling keeps me from getting in that car and driving to my tree!
Thank you so much for just reading and understanding, if anyone really does read through it.
Libby (Robin i'm sure you al know who i really am now because i keep signing them Robin out of habbit)

Hi Robin,
I'm worried about you. I think you should tell your friends that you lost the keys, better to be safe than sorry. There's no way to know where the keys are at this point, keys are so small and could be anywhere. I always worry about losing them but it happens. Maybe your daugthers took them but maybe they will turn up. But in the meantime do tell your friends so they can know about it.
How long has this been going on with your older kids being aggressive towards you? That's disturbing. They must be very angry for some reason, maybe not with you but are acting out. I'm concerned becuase it sounds like they have a lot of emotions going on and are asking for help in a way. I definately think you should ask a trusted adult to talk to them and find out why they are hurting so much, so you know how to help them. Of course it must hurt you a great deal as well with all the tension.
I wish I knew some better advice but I don't know what to do in this situation. I think it's time to ask for help, so everyone can have a chance to heal and be happy.
Hey Libby,
I wish i knew why they are so sgressive. My son is going to be 11 and he spent 5 onths as in inpatient at villa maria. he then kept going to scholl there even when he was released. the only way gage can handle his anger or tention is to lash out and hit. i've gtold their dad for a long time now that they are going to get fed up with that and shart hurting him back. they have al started hitting eachother now. pushing and nockeding onee of them knocked the other down a few stairs the other day.
i'm going to talk to the therapist aobut getting help for the kids too I think they needed it. i know i can't be the target of their hatred and heir vioence any longer I ust can't do it. i've beend own here sense early after noon washing laundry and playing on the computer. i'm diying for a chocolate shake so i'm goin gto run out and get one then i'm headed back and hide in my little hole for the niht.
Robin
I have duplicate house keys and getting my friends to change the locks isn't too much of a problem because my oldest 3 have keys to their houses because they "USED" to babysit for theml my other friend i'll have to tell nher and i'll have to pay for the locks.
as far as the key to the car i do't have a pare set at all. when i went to try and get a spare set they told me i had to go back to hyundai and get one there and it was $50.00 for 1 set made.
for christmas this year we haven't bought anything. we are going to buy each of the kids a small gift and maybe a little more for my son 11 who is still trying to believe nand a little something extra for my little girl 9 who is still dreaming that there really is a santa. i've been using the old saying "if you don't do you chores or if you getting nasty thats one toy santa takkes our of your stocking and a lump of coal in there ou'll get. I told dh i wanted to have the gifts for the outside family under the tree christmas morning and then have their fery few in the front of the tree and we could handl them each their gift and tel them merry c hristmas. i told my dh i want to get them the book call chicken soup for the teenage soul lol and that would be it hehe but i know we can't be that mean but there won't be bikes computers or cd's under that tree for those kids this year.
Robin