Rough time - please help
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| Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:46am |
I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and for the most part, I can deal with it pretty well, but I've been having a really hard time lately.
I'm confused about my sexuality. I know that sounds silly, but I just can't decide whether I like girls or guys better. The truth is that I like them both. I have had both girlfriends and boyfriends before, and there were things I liked and disliked about each. I know that I am probably bisexual, but I don't want to be. I want to either be gay or straight. I know that my parents would probably never accept me as a lesbian, and they really don't understand bisexuality, so right now I'm currently trying to live the straight life. I have a boyfriend, and he knows that I've had past relationships with girls, and he's pretty understanding about my confusion. This helps considerably, but I really wish that my parents were more open and understanding, because it's really important to me that they accept me the way I am and that they accept the person that I choose to be with.
The other problem is that in the past year or so, I've gained a little weight. It's not too much - only about five or ten pounds. I am really sensitive about weight issues, though, and I'm always trying to lose weight anyway, so this really depresses me. No one has even noticed or commented on it, but I still feel awful about myself. I know I need to just exercise and work it off, but as anyone with depression knows, sometimes it's easier said than done. I have trouble motivating myself some days.
Any advice is welcome. I just want to feel better about myself and make some friends who understand.

Hi and welcome to the board! We are a pretty understanding bunch here and so I hope you'll stick around and let us get to know you--and vice versa!
Thanks so much for the welcome, and also for your advice and support! I am a bit younger than 45 (I'm 22), but I've heard that confusion about sexuality can come at any age. Sometimes I feel silly, like I'm too old to not know whether I'm gay or straight or bi, but at the same time, I feel like I still have time to figure it out.
I agree with what you said about labels. I don't like them either. I don't really want to be called bisexual. In my experience, bisexuals sometimes get an undeserved reputation for being promiscious. Also, I've found that if you tell men that you are bisexual, some of them (not all, I'm sure) get the wrong idea. That always embarrasses me because the last thing I want to do when I'm in a relationship with either a man or a woman, is bring another person into it.
I don't really feel comfortable talking to my parents about much of anything anymore. I don't think that they really know me or understand me. It's not because I'm not willing to share my life with them. I've tried on several occasions. It's because they don't really want to know the real me. They don't want to see the depression.
I'm sorry that I'm being so negative. I do really appreciate your help.
Hi Lovely,
I think it's very hard for parents to think of their children having sex at all- never mind with who. Especially since you're 22 and they might want to think of you as their baby still. So while I know you want them to accept you, I understand why they may not love talking about this subject with you right now. Is it really fair to expect your parents to act as accepting and calm about things as friends would? But deep down they probably love you more than most friends could.
Love is always confusing. Does it matter what your sexual orientation is as long as you are with the one you love? I know you have a bf, so until the point when you fall in love with someone else, can you just accept that the future is full of possibilities? At some point you will know for sure.
When you're 22 you are supposed to be confused about who you are becuase you have only known yourself for 22 years. There is no rush, you have your whole life to get to know this person who is yourself.
Also you have a fast metabolism now, being young, so you have an advantage. Try walking at a fast speed and uphills for half an hour every day or every other day.
Welcome to the board, I hope you like it here.
Hi! Thanks for replying to me. You do bring up an excellent point about my parents. I guess I was being selfish and thinking of myself, and I didn't even really stop to think that it might be hard for them to think about me having sex. I am living at home while I'm in graduate school, and it's weird, because it's like they gave me more freedom while I was in living at college, but now that I'm at home doing the graduate school thing, they feel like I'm their baby again.
Thanks for the exercise tip. It's a good idea. I am always looking for exercise ideas, so I'll definitely give it a try.
I do like this board a lot. :-) Thanks for being so nice to me.
Hi lovelystar.
I can understand how you feel. I'm bipolar and always have a hard time dealing with the really rough depressions. You just have to try and keep functioning and challenging the negative thoughts. Because depression is a chemical imbalance that alone won't solve it, but it will help and it's all you can really do aside from medication.
I too understand the sexuality confusion. I went from straight to bi to lesbian and finally decided that I'm an asexual lesbian. (For further information see asexuality.org).
I don't really have any advice to give other than keep trying to get on with your life as much as possible and keep posting and I will always be here to listen and sometimes even have something worthwhile to say.
Thanks for the advice! I appreciate your input. Thanks for sharing the website about asexuality with me, too. It was interesting to read because I didn't know that people could be asexual, so I'm really glad that I learned something new. :-)
It's really nice to meet you, and I hope to get to know you better.
It's nice to hear of someone open to the concept of asexuality.
I look forward to getting to know you too.