Sunday Blues

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
Sunday Blues
19
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:57pm
Here it is Sunday and evening is approaching. I am getting the blues and I keep having to deal with those horrible thoughts entering my head. I am trying to get myself out of the rut. It was 53 degrees today and we put up some X-mas decorations outside. We managed to put the tree up inside. It is a prelit tree so at least I don't have to worry about stinging the lights.
There are no decorations on the tree yet. It looks nice with the clear lights. DH said it would be a progressive decorating project. Made another day I will feel like putting the rest of the stuff on the tree.
I just see no future in sight. I don't want to deal with this problem. I am not a fighter. I am a loser.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: sfarlow
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 5:27pm

Hi Sfarlow,

I'm not sure if you've already posted this, but when did all this start? Have you always felt midly depressed and it recently got a lot worse? Or did something specific start it?

I'm guessing that at some point during the time you fell in love with your DH you felt happy, energetic, and glad to be alive. I say that becuase you clearly have a strong relationship that must have had a good start. So, remember that person you were because she is still inside you, waiting to come back out when the time is right.

You're not a loser just becuase you are depressed. Being sad does not make someone a loser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
In reply to: sfarlow
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 5:37pm
I had been mildly depressed now I am severely depressed. I am seeing a pdoc and on meds. But I am not a fighter. If you read so other posts from me you will see what has been going on. Life seems not worth fighting for. I am tired of this emotional roller coaster. I want the ride to run off the track a crash. Why should I worry about who is left behind. I am hurting and I want it to stop and never start again. I don't want to face any more problems in life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
In reply to: sfarlow
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:44pm

First of all you are not a loser. You are depressed. You may be afraid. You are definately tired and frustrated. You probably feel alone. You are not alone though. Know that we are here as is your rl friends and family. I'm glad that you are seeing a pdoc and taking the meds you need to. You can also do small things like make a goal a day. Accomplishing something will give you something to feel good about if even for a minute. Also take time everyday for yourself. Do your nails, have a bubble bath, read a good book, write, draw, play music, whatever you like to do.


You are strong and you are a fighter, even if you don't think so. You reached out for help to us and that takes strength and courage.


Keep posting. We're here for you.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: sfarlow
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 11:28pm

Hey there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
In reply to: sfarlow
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:01am

Lori
I think I just need to come and spend a week with you so we could talk face to face. You offer so much to me in your replies that you have not a clue what it does to me. Your reply always gives me a boost. It may not be a very big boost but it does help. Maybe what I need from you is a kick in the butt to straighten me out. I would love to meet you in person.
Today is Monday which means I will be alone today and I plan to make the most of it - which is how I feel right -but as the day goes on that may change. So pray that I keep my chin up today.

Thanks for your hugs and support

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: sfarlow
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:21am

I'm glad my words are a source of comfort to you--that is what makes being here worthwhile--knowing I can in some small way share the journey and give people support and hope and you might not believe it right now, but YOU ladies do that too! Everyone here is so supportive of each other and that's what makes it special!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
In reply to: sfarlow
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:38am

I'm dead serious I want to meet you. Someone who is so caring and understanding as you are is someone special to me. You have a wealth of knowledge and a wonderful spirit that I want to meet you.

All the little bits and pieces of hope you give me is a blessing. You keep pushing me to live. You are someone I can reach out to when others aren't there or they just say things in the same context that you do.

I would have to say you are my electronic guardian angel.

Maine I hear is a beautiful place so having a reason to visit is worth planning a trip. I will let you know about a visit to see you.

Right now I have a date with the car wash since it a fairly warm day here and my car is DIRTY. Then who knows maybe a trip to the bookstore.

TTYL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: sfarlow
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:47pm
Hello
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone-I feel horrible this X-mas. I recently got out of a hospital for depression and don't feel like this holiday season at all-My husband and i have re-united after being apart for 15 years and i have to face the consequences of being with him- mainly less money- he was always bad with money- and now we're facing Christmas and I don't have any extra money for gifts after the bills are paid - also my son, who is doing quite well is coming out from California, and he is doing quite well financially - I feel thoroughly embarrassed and humiliated that I can't do what I could do 10 years ago for them- even though they're older now. Tell me more about yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: sfarlow
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 4:34pm

Hi mbullock55 and welcome to the board! I'm sorry things are so rough right now but you're in a good place here with us and I hope, if you choose to, you'll stick around and get to know us and vice versa!


You mentioned you reunited with your husband and now are depressed and struggling... And so may I ask? Do you feel that reuniting was for the right reasons and are you happy with your decision--despite the rough times? Or was HE the one wanting to reunite and you feel as if you "gave in?" (Don't have to answer if you aren't comfortable...I was just curious.)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: sfarlow
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:48pm
Hi Lori
Thank you so much for your quick response - I feel that since I got out of the hospital life has gotten more difficult, not less difficult. I have an enormous amount of trouble being alone-I find myself wistfully thinking about my life before this, especially with a guy I lived with for a while- there was much more money available---But do I think it was worth it getting back with my husband? I love him alot, but can't tell if the struggle everyday living brings is because I'm "married again" or not - I'm also seeing a therapist- Im on quite a few medications- I have also tried to find volunteer work, but my constantly changing work schedulde makes it difficult - I basically work alone-I'm a housecleaner in a wealthy area of the country, can make decent money, but have been trying to get out of it for years-I guess I feel lifeless and stuck-I also just turned 55. I welcome corresponding with anyone, about depression and loneliness in particular----thanks so much mbullock55

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