No girl friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
No girl friends
6
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 6:49pm

I was just posting about this on the Depression Support board the other day, but I'd really like your opinions and advice on it, too.

I don't have any girl friends, and I really wish that I did. I have plenty of guy friends, but it's just not the same. I don't think I've had a real girl friend since middle school. Like I was saying in my other post, I've dated women, but I just want a girl who is a friend. You know, to go shopping with and talk about girl stuff with that I just can't talk about with my boyfriend or a girlfriend that I'm romatically involved with.

Does anyone have any advice for me on where I might meet a girl friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:46pm

Hi Lovelystar,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 8:55pm

Lovelystar,

Lori pretty much covered it all but I have one other idea:

Is it possible for you to look up and reconnect with your old middle school friends? I recently got in touch with an old high school friend. We talked on the phone and I really enjoyed it. Unfortunately we live far away, but if we lived in the same area we could get together.

All of my friends are people I met in high school. Or co-workers or ex-coworkers. All of my really close friends are long distance. But I'd be open to hearing from old friends becuase we have that much in common, it's easier than getting to know a total stranger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:46am

Thanks for your suggestions! I think that I do need to be friendlier. That might be part of my problem. Maybe other women perceive me as cold because I'm shy. Support groups are a good idea, too. I do have a lot of problems with depression and anxiety.

Thanks again - you've given me lots of great ideas! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 11:54am
That's a great idea! It's definitely worth considering because I'm back in the area where I went to middle and high school while I'm attending graduate school. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:29pm

Since you're in graduate school, another idea is to ask someone in your class if she wants to study together for the next test. Also when I was in college there were always notices in the Student Union for events, clubs, and meetings.

Or, you could ask someone to go work out with you to take a break from studying.

Another idea is to volunteer to tutor people, maybe undergrad students in your major. I'm sure your school has a volunteer group of some sort you can join.

Also, you can ask someone in your class if they want to go to lunch or sit together in the cafeteria. That's hard for shy people, so it would be better to save this as a next step after you study together or something and you already know you like her.

What's your major? It's awesome that you're in grad school. I only have a Bachelor's degree (English). I'm pretty intimidated by grad school but I plan to go at some point in my life.

I also wanted to tell you that you're not alone with this problem. I've also felt pretty isolated ever since I moved out of the Washington, DC area. One of my problems is I want to really connect with someone, not just have a shallow fun aquaintance thing, and it's really hard to find people I actually like that much! So all of my friends are long distance, aside from one who lives here but is so busy she does not have time to hang out and I rarely see her. (She's got kids, several jobs, and goes to school also.) I don't have any male friends either..so at least you've got that!

I actually don't know how to make male friends becuause they always seem to think it's something more, until they find out I'm married and then they vanish. And I'm not flirtatious at all so I have no idea why they would be like that. But all my friends are women...




Edited 12/12/2006 3:40 pm ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 1:47am

I can identify with your post, although I do have a few friends, I seem to connect with those who are as "messed up" as me. I'm trying to get away from my mental illness as my identity and that means trying to find interests and people who aren't mentally ill. I tried connecting with my high school friends but they can't handle my mental illness and it invariably comes up.


I like Lori's ideas and maybe should try them myself.


I do hope that you've found some online friends at least here at ivillage.

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Amanda