Am I suicidal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Am I suicidal?
3
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:21am
well... i've had many thoughts about dying, or wanting to die lately. My life feels like it's in a tailspin. I am 32 and live in a major city. I am having anxiety about what I want to do in my life (feel like a loser) -- on top of that, my EX BF of two years dumped me 5 months ago in a very cruel way and my father is recovering from a near fatal illness (which has lasted 9 months). I'm trying my best to cope. I have very little self-esteem left and very little hope of feeling any better. I cannot get therapy because my job does not have health insurance and I make too much money to be covered otherwise (what a joke). Anyway... I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm pretty much on my own here. My friends have mostly moved away and my family is tired of my melancholy complainings. I just feel that my ability to cope with fail sometime soon. I just wish I knew a positive way out of this pain. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:31am

Hi and welcome to the board! Although I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well emotionally, I think you will find this a safe supportive place to be and I hope you will hang out with us a bit and let us get to know you and vice versa!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 3:49pm

Hi Berry,

It's horrible how bad things seem to come in groups! Life likes to kick us when we're down. But, time heals and eventually time will throw some happiness your way.

I don't know if you're suicidal or not but anyone would be staggering under all those burdens you are carrying.

I wish I knew the way out but I do believe sometimes patience is the best way. Also you're not a loser since you have a decent paying job, and are independent. But if you know a specific lifestyle or job that would make you happier, write out a "5 year plan" and break it down into baby steps. Then do at least one thing a week to get closer. At least it will distract you from everything else.




Edited 12/12/2006 3:50 pm ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:06am

Having thoughts about dying or wanting to die definately sounds sucidal to me. In which case you are in a crisis point in your life and you need help. I also have been there (and recently I might add). If the urge gets really bad you HAVE to talk to someone right away and there are free crisis lines across the country and around the world that have people you can talk to. I don't know about where you are, but where I am they are in the first page of the phone book. If not, look under "crisis", "suicide", "distress".


Aside from immediate crisis, you really should tallk to someone. Usually there are some sort of community supports out there or if you are religious you can always talk to a pastor at church.


I too have no self-esteem, but it's something that we can both work on. Why don't you try the "today's triumph" post and start to recognize the little accomplishments that we so often take for granted.


Also, how about writing, painting, whatever, about who you are. Try and find all the things that define you aside from your relationships and depression. Use this to develop those other areas of your life.


I'm sorry to hear about your breakup with your bf and especially that it was "in a cruel way". I think you need to come to terms with that and learn to be free and independant. And you can do it!


I am also sorry to hear about your father's illness. That's been a long-term stressor for you and I'm sure it's just been building on itself all that time. I am glad to hear though that he is "recovering" and want you to know that you can too. It's hard to process but when these things happen it means we have to re-evaluate our entire lives sometimes.


Live in the present and be thankful for what you have. How about making a gratitude list. Start it with the fact that your father is recovering and go from there.


How to cope with depression? Here's what I do:



  1. talk to someone - for me that includes friends, family, the boards, and my doctors

  2. take my meds

  3. set goals

  4. try to accomplish one thing each day

  5. help others

  6. do the things that soothe, calm and nurture myself - music, art, poetry, photography, meditation, yoga, favourite foods, bubble baths, paint my nails, play with pets, etc.

  7. realize when you're stressed and get out of the situation and do any of the above

I hope something I've said helps.

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Amanda