i want to end it today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
i want to end it today
16
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 11:51am
i really want to end it..im thinking of ways, pros and cons..i am a burden to this universe...i have nothin to live for..i cnt make myself happy...other people have that contol and i wna tke it back..i wnt to end it..i really do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 3:14pm
Please get help now. You said that you want to take control back so do it by calling someone for help. Do you have a pdoc/tdoc? I'm sure there are also crisis lines in your area. Use them. I'll be waiting for you to post again.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 4:04pm

i dont knw wot that is..im in england...

i dnt want to die...i feel a tiny bit calmer...wots goin wit me..my head is every where...why cnt i b happy...i just want to b happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 5:21pm

Sami,

A crisis line is a free phone number that you can call and have someone to talk to. They MAY have some in England.. look in the phone book under "mental health services". It will usually be called a hotline or something similar.

Pdocs and Tdocs are therapists. Do you have anyone you can talk to or someone you can call to come give you a hug? Here's an e-hug from a stranger, if that helps.

I love England. I've only been there once but I want to go again. We have a real international group here, I'm in America and Amanda (Cl-Schitz) is in Canada.

Even though you feel terrible right now, you WILL be happy again! Just try to believe that or have faith in it and have faith in yourself.

If you want to post more details, I hope you feel welcome here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 5:34pm
ive had nothin but problems my whole life...my entire life. i was born into this problematic life...my dad walked off..my mum betrayed me..they all think im a slut, ive only been wit one man...and its killin me...i failed exams last year cos of all this drama..and all i do is argue wit my fiance all the time..its been drama since i was born..wen is it gonna end? it wont will it?? it wont ever end...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 5:57pm

It will end. You have to have hope. Give your fiance a big hug and tell him you need him.


From: http://suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org/Crisis.html www.samaritans.org


~United Kingdom~
08457-90-90-90


Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 6:34pm

Hi Sami and welcome to the board. I know you are having a really tough time right now and I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you will hang out with us for a while and get to know us and let us get to know you. As you can see, we have a really caring supportive bunch here--and like you, we've all had our hard times--yes, even desperate times.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 8:26pm

Sami,

The drama can and will end.

It sounds like your parents put a lot of stress on you. So the older you get, you don't have to spend as much time with them if they upset you. And if they think or say negative things about you, at least YOU know it's not true. And if they keep saying negative things, maybe you do need a break from them!

It's hard to be a couple sometimes, even when you love each other. But you can learn to get along better if you both are open to trying new ways of communicating. The last thing you need is more stress right now!

Even though you've had a tough start to life you can go on to have a more peaceful future. Put it this way- now you know what type of people to avoid and the kind of life you don't want to have. The next step is to figure out what type of people you want in your life, and what type of life you want for yourself in the future.




Edited 12/15/2006 8:28 pm ET by bluerains
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 4:15am

hi..

thanx everyone for all your help and support. thank u...last night i cried and cried and cried until i passed out, i was texting my finace whilst doing all this..he kept saying to me, sami good times will come, i assure u..ill make it all better i promise...but its all a lie..how can he make it better??? how can i make it better?? no1 can make it better..we've tried for years, we love one another so much but i feel like all these external factors are gettin in the way...my mum who blames me for her marriage breaking up, a stupid sistern-in-law who spreads disgusting lies about me to everyone in the family! like extended family..

i failed last year due to these problems..ive spoke and spoke and cried and begged for my mum to be ok wit me, to work at our relationship but nothing. wen i say but im a good daughter, wen u and my dad went through all that i was there for u..and she'll say yeh! bt u wanted us to end it...i didnt i really didnt...

i have 8months left then i get married, move out of here, move to the city my man;s in..but im soo scared, im terriffied that itll be the same,we'll argue, we;ll have tension between us...i wont be able to cope..wen i think of being alone, without him, i realise im such a lonely soul..all lost, jst desperately want a place called home..all these people cant be wrong can they?? surely theres something wrong with me..deep inside im causin it all, but ive prayed, ive worked hard to fix things but nothing...

i feel like a misreable burden to this tired and worn out world out...im 22 and ive had NOTHIN but problems..wen will they go...i desperately want to die....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 1:22pm

He can help it better by being there for you and you can help yourself by posting here and creating a support network IRL.


Sorry to hear that your mom and SIL are causing problems for you, but you have to distance yourself from this and realize that what they blame you for is not your fault. You have to surround yourself with supportive people and if they can't be that for you then you have to separate from that negativity.


I think that getting married and moving out will be good for you. A change of scene is just what you need. I

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:49pm

Sami,

You do deserve better, and there are people out there who will appreciate you and treat you right. They are hard to find but even if you only find one or 2, that's enough.

It may come to the point where you just have to ignore your family and anyone who is making you miserable until they're ready to have a real relationship! If they don't treat you right, they can't expect you to be there for them either.

It sounds like your Mom and SIL need a huge wake up call!

If your family does not treat you right you can find people you can form a new, better family with- friends, coworkers, etc. The thing is you have to be patient, you can't rush that. And probably it would help to spend a lot of time thinking and getting to like yourself first, so that you'll be more likely to meet nice people instead of stressful people.

Watch out for the trap of meeting new people who are just like your mom and SIL- becuase that's what you're used to. Look for more considerate and supportive people instead.

I got married when I was 22 too. My inlaws gave me a really hard time too. Now after 5 years of being married I don't let my inlaws get to me as much as I used to, and we actually get along better but we're not best friends or anything. But I realized they would never love me, and I could never force them to love me, but I did not care anymore becuase other people love me so why do I need them to? I don't, and once I realized that it was MUCH easier to get along with them.

So now, if they say or do something mean, I just say, "Whatever. That's just like them! What else can I expect from them?" And I avoid them at those times but if they are nice then I'm very polite to them too. That is a good strategy.

It is good that you are thinking about your relationship now. If you can go to couples therapy before getting married, or pre-marriage counseling, that would be a great idea. Getting married should be and can be wonderful, but marrying at the wrong time or for the wrong reasons can bring a whole lot more pain to someone's life.

I think it's wonderful that you are getting married to someone you love, but I also think the happier you are before you get married, without him, the better your marraige will turn out. And therapy can help that.

I hope you have a decent weekend and don't let them get you down!




Edited 12/16/2006 2:54 pm ET by bluerains

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