Alzheimer's, not staying around for it
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| Tue, 01-02-2007 - 1:17am |
My mom has Alzheimer's, and she's only in her late 60s. Her mom had the same illness, as did her dad. I am scared crapless that it is inevitable for me, too (I am 50). Sometimes, since I am nearing menopause, I have a minor memory loss and I become panic stricken---for someone like me, just thinking, "it is only due to menopause being near," may or may not be accurate. I was evaluated recently (and very thoroughly) for memory loss due to dementia, and was told I was fine, that my memory was quite good, but I am resigned to my fate: to be a very sick person in less than 20 years...
So, I have decided that I will not live like that---I will choose to leave this life if I ever find out I have Alzheimer's. I will not wait until I do not have the cognitive ability to make the decision, I will do the deed when I am still in the early stages and have a decent amount of reasoning ability. I often think, "Why wait? Now is as good as any time to go..." Yet, I love life still. Even if I haven't especially accomplished much, I still like to wake each morning to see the early sun in the trees and listen to music and even to struggle with the hard times...
A few months ago, I did feel almost suicidal, but have since gotten on Anti-d and feel much better. But my cold reasoning powers still exist and I just do not think I could live with having Alzheimer's---it would be like living life as a zombie..yet I panic as I mentioned earlier when I thought just not remembering one thing meant the worst. I have to get a grip on myself...thanks for listening

I am so sorry to hear about your mom's illness. I can't imagine how sad/scary that must be! And I can certainly understand the "leap" (at least for now one can call it a leap) one's mind makes when looking at the odds. But plenty of people beat the odds, my friend and the fact is, NO ONE knows whether you will or won't get this illness. Nor do we know what successful treatments might arise over the coming years!
It is possible that by the time you are that age, they will have a cure for Alzheimer's or at least have better treatments. It would be a shame to kill yourself and then they find a cure the next year.
I have Alzheimer's in my family too, but I'm actually more worried about diabetes. I have a great deal of diabtes on both sides of my family and like you I'm sort of waiting for it to strike. It seems inevitable that I'll get it. I love to eat dessert and carbs so that would be horrible for me to be on a diabetic diet for life. In fact I don't think I could give up sugar and carbs.
But like Lori says don't worry about that until you get diagnosed. No sense in dreading it when it's not really in our hands anyway.