Please Help Someone!!!!!
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| Sat, 01-13-2007 - 11:37pm |
Hello ladies,
My name is Tania i am a wife and a mother to 2 wonderful Brian who is 7yrs and Tiago who is 4 months old. And ever since he was born i have had a hard time coping with many things. For some reason i have had thoughts of suicide and just giving up on life. I have been married for 8 yrs dated for 8 yrs together total as you can see 16yrs. But for the past year i have lied to my family and husband. I have embarrassed my parents by breaking many promises my husband has made me very happy for the 16 yrs and all i have done is made his life miserable. I have ruined his credit used all of our money and still have no money to pay all the bills. I have also had many bad thoughts about my new baby whom i love so much. I am just ready to end it all. I do not deserve to live any longer. I don't deserve to have such a wonderful family they have done nothing but help me and all have done is made things bad for them. I have lied mostly to my husband i have used money to pay for bills and other things i practically emptied out our checking account and savings acct and because of my stupidity i lost all control of life and my finances oh please someone please help me. I need someone to talk to someone who was or is the same situation as me please help me i really just want to it all maybe then my family can get on with lives. Without me!!! Please Please

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Hi Tania and welcome to the board. I am glad you found us and I hope you'll stick around and get to know us and vice versa! First let me say congratulations. I know it must have taken a great deal of inner strength and courage to post to a bunch of strangers and share what you've shared with us about your behavior and your disturbing thoughts--especially concerning your baby! Please don't be ashamed....I DO honestly believe that you CAN and WILL feel better once we can get you some help!
Tania,
I also believe that you have post partnum depression. A lot of women get it so don't feel bad or that you're the only one. I agree that you need to seek medical help now becuase this does not go away on its own but there is treatment for it.
Right now the hormones are making everything seem twice as extreme and worse than it really is. Hormones can do a lot to your body! They're very powerful! But the good news is, doctors can treat this. Just make sure you get a doctor that understands and maybe even specializes in postpartum depression. I'm sure you're not really in the mood to research doctors right now, so enlist your DH, family, etc. for help with this.
You could be me and I could be you. I just had a baby 1 year ago and we have a 7 year old too. My family is wonderful too and I feel like I am the cause of all of our $$ woes. It was so scary for me after I had Noelle because I had visions of throwing her into traffic and of course I would never hurt her but my mind was doing things that I did not understand. I wanted to die and leave them. I felt like she was a little parasite sucking all the life and energy out of me. We wanted her so badly and planned for her and I was so happy to be pg. I did read that Brooke Shields book and realized that she felt the same things!!! I talked to my pdoc as I am bipolar and have major depression and DID (dissociative identity disorder) and she really helped me through with meds. Your hormones are acting out and you are not the one to blame. It could be postpartum depression or psychosis like I had and there is help. Just be honest with your doc. They will help you and not condemn you. It is not your fault and you are not a bad person for having these feelings. No one else understood me while I was going through that and it made me feel like a monster that everyone would be better off without me but your little one needs you. We need you and maybe your pain now can help someone else someday who feels isolated and alone going through it too. I really feel such a connection to you and your story. My road is rocky with my mental issues but my baby now is the one thing that does put a smile on my face every day. It is not easy but you can email me anytime you like and i will look for you to post here so we can help you. Lots of love, Jessica
Hey Jessica,
someone please tell me why i am still here. i was listening to dh tell his mother what i had done omg i am such a horrible person almost like a monster. i don't deserve to live not after what i have done. i don't want to live anymore i don't deserve to live oh god what did i do?
please please help
thank you for listening
Hi Tania,
I care about you and I want you to be ok. Sometimes people dont understand the h*%l that we go through on a daily basis which is why you need to go somewhere like a hospital or your therapist if you have one where they can take care of you. I understand the darkness you are feeling and I want to let you know that there are people out there who will treat you with respect and dignity while helping you. Please let us know if you are ok and what you are feeling, we all care about you and take you seriously.
Hugs,
Jessica
Is there any way that you could sit down just you and dh and calmly explain to him that you feel bad for what happened and the two of you try to work out a solution even if it is just putting it behind you and both of you accepting that it was not the best choice? Does he know about your feelings and how depressed that you are? Mine didnt and he just saw me laying around or freaking out. I sat him down and explained to him what was going on in my head and then he understood why I act the way that I do. It was very liberating. If dh doesnt understand you, maybe you can open up to us and we can be that support to get you through the tough times. Let us know what you think.
Hugs,
Jessica
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