cant take anymore...
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| Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:51pm |
Sorry all I need someplace to vent.
well it is happening once again, the darkness is closing in and I am feeling trapped and I feel there is no way out, and to be honest with you I am tired of fighting. Home schooling is a fight everyday and my DH wont let me put them back in this year. I am being left at home with the kids all the time again and no one understands that I need to get away. I have no money to get my medicine until Thursday and have been out of my Risperdal for a few nights now and I can really tell my moods are up adn down and all over, all I do is yell at everyone and have this anger towards everyone, I am not a hateful person but I have become mean and I dont like myself at all. I really hate my life and it just feels as if everyone is out to get me or to hurt me, I feel so alone even when I am around ppl. I want my DH to leave the house but then again I dont, I want him to take the kids and leave me alone so I can have a break. my weight is at a all time high and that ticks me off why did I allow myself to get so fat, I have been restricting a lot and am really trying to go on a 32 day fast, but my will power is so low. Right now I really hate to be a mom I love my kids but I am a horrible mother to them it seams as if all I ever do is scream at them and my 14 yr old DD and I cant even be in the same room we fight so much, I know that ppl say that she really does love me but hello the way she talks to me is so hateful I know she hates me. My friendship with my best friend is almost nonexsistant bc I have to do school with the kids durining the day and she has to spend time with her family durning the night so there is no time.
Mary
sorry if this vent makes no sense was trying to do school withthe kids and type all at the same time.

(((Mary)))
I know you seem overwhelmed right now, but I KNOW you can overcome this. You've come through worse and believe me you will come through this too. I know that homeschooling is a challenge but I think that you can do it. You have to let your friends and family know that you need some time away so someone can watch the kids while you have a night out (or in). You recognize that your moods are up and down because of your meds. So once you get on your meds again you can start getting back to normal. Things will turn up. They have to. Please hang on to that hope.
Hey Mary,