very upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
very upset
3
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 3:29pm
i should have know or expected this one.... well my worrying about going out with my friend and possibly drinking didnt even happen. she didnt even call me to go out!! i should have expected it. i always feel like the odd one out and this just proved that i am not worthy of a friendship. i feel so low that i was blown off like that. why does this kind of stuff always happen to me? so last year when we went out i guess i didnt make a good impression by not getting "hammered" with the group and calling dh to come a get me early. on another note, i asked dh to help me not to smoke. my pdoc put me on an additional med. and smoking is dangerous while on it. he said that he would help me. when i got up this morning there was one cig left in the pack and it was staring at me and tempting me and i gave in and dh was so mad and told me to never ask him for help ever again since i went outside to smoke after he told me not to. he was so mad at me that he wouldnt even talk to me and i actually felt physically sick after it. we usually share a pack and it lasts 2-3 days. i took dd to the library for mommy and danielle time and we had a good time. i then had to go to walmart to get some pizzas on sale and dh asked me to get him a pack of smokes. i had told him earlier that if he really wanted to help me quit then he couldnt keep them in the house and if he needed to smoke then to keep it out of my site. of course i bought him a pack, opened it and went out on the patio to smoke. he called me an idiot and told me to never ask him for help with anything ever again. am i being unreasonable here??? i feel like i gave him the tools to use to help me quit, he didnt want to do it my way and then blames me when i have complete access to something that i am addicted to. i quit while i was pregnant then after that he started smoking again and all my hard work went down the drain and i started again. obviously he is going to do what he wants to do so how am i supposed to quit and how am i not supposed to feel like a total failure?? he even said all of that in front of dd! how awful is that? i feel so low right now. my appointment with my pdoc went ok yesterday. she says i need counseling now for my mental issues. dh was supportive of whatever will help me. i am so weak though. how am i going to get through rehashing everything bad from my childhood and my young adulthood and my bad choices now? i have already gone through 2 years of therapy for that stuff, i thought that i was done and now it is just a reminder of what a failure i really am if i couldnt get it right the first time.
Jessica
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
In reply to: angelwatcher8
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 4:48pm

I don't smoke but I'm sure quitting is hard! Have you tried the patch? Cold turkey is probably hardest. It would help a lot if both you and DH could try to quit together.

I'm sorry your friend didn't invite you! I think you should ask her why. Maybe she cancelled it or did not go this year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
In reply to: angelwatcher8
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 10:33pm

(((jessica)))


I know how it feels to be the odd one out. How friends don't understand our mental problems. How people walk all ove us for no reason. We seem to come across as someone that people can take advantage of or aren't that important. Well I'm here to tell you that you are that important. You do deserve friends that aren't going to cancel on you at the last minute. Plus you never know why these things happen, maybe it is better that you didn't go out maybe it was cosmically better that you were safe at home. I know I'm a kook and you can call me on that all you like.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: angelwatcher8
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 12:10am

Hi Jessica,


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