Been awhile,,,,,,,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Been awhile,,,,,,,
9
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 6:52pm
Hello,,,haven't been here in awhile,,,,guessing that is a good thing. I'm not in a really really bad place right now,,,,,let's just say it is nudging me lately despite my best efforts to ignore it. Maybe it is the Winter, the cold, maybe it is the health worries of my parents, maybe it is the esculated and more occurence of the conflicts with my husband,,,,maybe it is work,,,,,,heck maybe it is all of them,,,ha *sigh* Still on meds, still seeing my psychdoc,,,still waiting for the clouds to clear after all this time. I just feel like I am playing a role in a play sometimes, and everyday I get through is one less day I have to face. I long for the feeling of true happiness, the
joy the euphoria that is suppose to saturate your body and you are so full of positive thoughts and dreams that nothing dark can seep through those walls. I fight it all the time,,,,striving for what others seem to have that I can't seem to find. I want to be
happy, I want to be happy for my children, they so deserve that. My husband so often
sucks me dry of any hope I try to bring to the surface,,,,,he ridicules my fears and that
just esculates them in my mind. Sometimes I look at my cats and I envy them,,,,envy their
life which is so small and sheltered,,,and safe. As a child I used to envy my goldfish thinking how so very lucky they were to have nothing as a life but everything as a life without thoughts that were too big to deal with or responsibilites that were too overwhelming for someone who felt to fragile to handle them properly.
*sigh* sorry,,,,,,,,just me and my venting thoughts,,,,,,sorry to come to say hi with
such dismal literature Lori,,,,am hoping though of course that you are doing well,,,,,haven't been here in awhile like I said,,,,but I do still think about you and wonder how you are doing. Hugzzzzzz Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 8:52pm

Heyyy Abby, thanks for checking in with us! I'm doing well, thanks--and I'm touched that you think about us even when you aren't here. I think about you also and have been hoping you've been well--as is my hope when anyone is "out of touch" for a while. But that's not the case for you right now, and so please don't feel bad about coming to vent even if it is "dismal." That's why we are here and as always you (and others)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 11:01pm

Hi Abby, I haven't met you yet. i'm pretty new to the board. i've been here only a few short months and now i check the board regularly. these ladies have helped me so much and i've come a long way in the few short months i've been here.

Welcome back and I hope to get to know you.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2005
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 1:14am
Abby it's nice to see you. I've missed you. I'm sorry to hear that things are a bit rough right now but we know the will get better. They have to right? Keep posting. We're here to help.

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Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 5:50pm

Hi Abby,

It's good to see you. I can always relate to your posts and I relate to this one too. In fact Dh and I just had a big fight and I'm feeling so drained. It is so hard to try to be happily married! No one ever warns you, but it's really hard!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 6:53pm
Hey Blue,,,,,good to hear from you too. How have things been for you the past while?
Like I wrote to Lori, just because I haven't been here in awhile doesn't mean I go and forget the people I have talked with here, and wonder how they are doing,,,,you included.
Yes for some of us it is harder to be happily married, I so agree with you Blue. I know that my marriage has played a major role in my depressive periods and it isn't as simple as leaving a bad job,,,,being married with kids and all. Thanks for responding to my post Blue,,,,please know I care and try my best to understand. Hugz to you,,,,Abby
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 7:07pm
Hi Lori,,,,thanks for the nice greeting, it made me smile. Thank you also for taking the time to write all you did to me,,,I read it all. What you write makes such easy sense, it is applying it that I find difficult to do *smile* My family and I have been through a dreadful past year and things that have occured have taken their toll on all of us. We are trying to pull ourselves out of it but the reprecussions have scathed us and changed us in ways that are not as we wish. Still dealing with some 'authorities' but hoping that will be coming to a close soon. If anything I have discovered a strength in myself that I didn't know I had. Sometimes the scary thoughts come back though and not having enough of the right support it can start me spiralling into those bad thoughts. I know I must continue to fight for my children, they are what keeps me here,,,,literally. I think I came to this board because I was feeling those bad feelings again and it kind of scared me. Sometimes I just quietly tell myself that I may always have those bad thoughts because they are a package deal with my depression. No one said life was a walk in the park for everyone,,right? some of us have swamps and mountains to climb as well.
Anyway,,,,,again thanks for being such a supportive friend,,,,if I may call you that,,,you've helped me many times and I am always grateful for that. Hugz Abby XO
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 9:51pm

Hey Abby,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 4:32pm

I know you still care even when you're not here. I take breaks from the internet too. I understand! I've been OK, good days and bad days.

It's always good to see you and I hope you have some good days, as many as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 6:17pm
Hello Robin, and thank you for your kind post. I agree that the wonderful people here have helped me as well. I hope that you will continue to come here if you find it help you through the difficult times,,,that's what is so great about some of the boards here,,,,you can leave for awhile because you are doing better and yet if you need to come back for some encouragement or just to hear some kind words from some good people the door is alawys open. Hoping you are doing alright,,,,,Abby