I am heart broken!!
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| Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:53pm |
Well i came home today and my front door was wide open with the heat on. I called to my two girls and told them not to leave the door open because the heat is on their reply was "what ever" so i said to them E and A both of you please come do your chores, they both told me "do them yourself" so i come down stairs to get on the computer and one of them calls my dh to tell them i walked through their room and was bothering them! One of them was supposed to go and do some painting but because of her rude behavior her threats to hit me and her physicaly pushing me i told her she couldn't go. her father is trying to tell me that i'm wrong for not letting her go.
after a long discussion on the phone with my husband we don't know how yet but we are going to meet with the therapist and a lawyer and we are going to get a divorce. it just took us 20 years to realise that we don't belong together.
I do love him i always have, but i don't like the way he doesn't back me up with the kids. they have learned to talk to me the way the do because he allows it. everyone around us see's it even his family. his sister who lived with us for 2 months even saw it and tried to tell him. This has gone beyond normal teenage behavior.
i'm supposed to go to our favorite resterauntand take the three younger one of my kids for the buy who works there his birthday. he treats my kids well and they wanted to surprise him with a cake and balloons. i don't know what 'm going to do the rest of the night but being in a house where my husband doesn't like me let alone love me and being with kids who wish i were dead, well i can't do it.
Robin

Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Sometimes people appreciate you more when you get a break from each other.
This must hurt so much. But you'll make it through this. People can be so hurtful. But other people can be very loving and kind.
You're a loving person and deserve to be treated with love always.
Ohhhh Robin, I'm so sorry.... I read your earlier post and responded to that--wishing you a "good weekend" and I see from this post it is obviously going to be anything but! Endings are so hard under the most amicable circumstances but when an ending comes under these stressful conditions---the trouble with the kids, your own healing journey and your physical health, I can't imagine how awful you must be feeling! I wish I were there to give you a hug right now..... it wouldn't make it go away but perhaps you'd feel less alone so consider yourself cyber hugged.
actually I was the one to bring up the discussion of the divorce. I'm the one who wants it. he told me we couldn't afford to divorce. I can't work because of my health and he can't support two house holds so he said we are stuck together. i told him not if things don't change. i can't continue to jepordise my mental health for a marriage that never should have been.
we have a king size waterbed and sleeping with him at night, well i may as well have a bag of trash to curl up to thats the equivilent to it. there is no touching no kisses good bye no i loves you hasn't been for a long long time. I tell him i love him and i try to give his a kiss now and then but he actually acts like i have a disease or something. i just don't understand why he stays if he hates me so much. no i'm not over reacting he avoids anything to stay away from me. we don't go out unless i aske him and get angry that we don't. for our 20th anniversary we went to bob evans for dinner no dessert no card no happy anniversary no i love you nothing and the only reason we went to dinner is i kept bugging him about it all day. next wednesday is valentines day i don't expect anything. next friday is my birthday i don't expect anything then either. but then thats how my life has been the entire time i've grown up. when i was 7 years old we moved to georgia in the middle of the school year my aunt bought me a birthday cake, and took me shopping for an outfit. she bought me an outfit that was too small for me and told me i was fat. she also told me i couldn't eat the cake because i was too fat. I have a picture of me at that birthday party and you can see this distress in my eyes and how upset i was.
then the next year we moved again back to our home town and my other aunt brought me a cake and some presents and took me to get my ears pierced. in that picture you can see the joy in my face. the only reason my aunt did that then is i told my cousin what happened in georga and she told her mom my aunt jumped in the car and brought everything to my house for a party she still had curlers in her hair! other then those two times I have never had a birthay cake or a birthday party. i don't expect them anymore. but i make sure my kids have them. i always have.
well i'm staying at my friends house tonight while they are away and i brought my youngest dd with me she is 9. so we are having a little bonding time.
robin
Hey Robin,
The most unhappy part is, is that when those two A & E aren't arround my dh and I get along fine. yesterday was a ok day for us. we watched a movie togehter and have some civil conversation but the second they walk in the door the tention started again! and then I left.
Robin
Hey Robin,
I saw my therapist today. and she said she wants E to come back and see her that we have a lot to work on. E refuses to go everytime I ask her. so the therapist is going to call here and talk to E herself and ask her to come in.
They are no longer doing chores at all. i am doing them all. All they do is sit watch tv and sleep oh and eat. i'm hoping that my dh will see that i'm doing all the work and crack down on them! if not he'll be visiting me in the hospital again. I can already feel the crohns beginning with a flair up and i can't stop it stress is %75 the cause of a flair up!! so what am i to do.
Hey Robin,