want to die now

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
want to die now
14
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 2:43pm
i want to die desperately..wen i think of dyin i get this nice feeling inside, excited..nervous bt nice...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
In reply to: sexy_sami
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 6:32pm

Hi Sami,

I'm so pleased to hear from you and to read things are looking more positive for you, that's great news.
Sweetheart your future sounds so good and you must always remember, your only responsable for yourself and your happiness, you mention your mum, try to talk to her before you go, if you can bring yourself to say it tell her how you have been and how your feeling, explain that this will be a new start for you, I'm a mother myself to grown up children and at the end of the day what we want to see is our children happier than we have been, regardless of how happy we are, we always want more for our children, at the end of the day is your mum any diffrent?
I'm so glad you told your Husband/partner about what has been going on in your head, now he can understand you better and it should strenthen your releationship with him, it's so important to be truthful with your partner at all times and as you have found out it can help.

Try not to be negative about your future in Dubia, it's a fabulous place to live, I had a friend that was working there for almost a year, she's still missing the place.

You say your partner will be leaving in a month, I'm sure that will be hard for you, but as you have said you have exams coming up and congratulations you have a wedding to plan, Sweetheart I know it's easy for me to say but you wont feel the time going, think positive (most important)it's like your laying the foundations for your future life together, and it will be good if you keep putting positive energy around it.

Sami you mentioned your British born, I'll let you into a little secret so am I, I moved from England a number of years ago and came to Ireland best move we ever made I dont regret it one bit, it can be the same for you if you allow it.

Sami, you have a very busy time ahead but that dose not mean you wont have your down times, IF and when they happen dont bottle it up, talk to someone,your partner a friend,a helpline this message board, as you can see people do care and I care.

Sweetheart you will be in my thoughts, sending you love and healing through the universe.
..........swan x

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
In reply to: sexy_sami
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:17pm
Sami, if you are still having these thoughts, PLEASE consider getting to a therapist! Don't let all of these other things get in your way. It won't be easy, but life is way to short to feel that unhappy. I just realized that today, that I can't fix everything by myself, and I need help. I'm just very concerned about you, one of the reasons being is that you sound alot like me. At least think about it, okay? Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
In reply to: sexy_sami
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:42pm

You know we look around us and we always see someone who is worse then we are but sometimes our own situation seems like the end. and then i get over it and move on. i've tried to get help with my rx's but it just isn't there. My insulin is 50 for 3 month supply and the other ones are 45 a month and 25 a month and 70 for a 3 month supply i'm on so much meds that it is killing us. i'm on xanax, lexapro, ambien, starlix, avandia, advair, singulair, asacol, dicylamine,prevacid, premarin,lantus, humalin, xoponex inhaler, and remicaide. my co pays range in 25 a month to 50 a month. with some of them i can get a 3 month supply and we pay 2 months and the ins waves the third month. it helps but just isn't enough. then my dr. visits are either 15 or 25 for the co pays. and then when you add the kids meds and dh's meds it really adds up.

I was born into a very abusive enviornment and i'm lucky i ended up as good as i am my 3 older sisters aren't as lucky as I am. my younger sister struggles and she is a little better then I am. It could be worse. i had my grandmother to protect me somtimes.

I'm finding that when i go to therapy on my own we discuss my childhood and it brings back all the fears, hatred, hurt. but i'm learning to let them go.

when dh goes with me he is stuburn and doesn't want to admit that what is going on in our family is his fault too. our whole family is disfunctional right now and it's all of our problems and all of our faults. but he won't accept any responsibility for it.

The physical pain wasn't so bad today. I actually went to the gym and worked out and i feel pretty good right now.

He knows i'm not taking some of them but he doesn't know about all of them. he gets paid thursday and his whole check goes to pay our mortgage. then he will get paid again in 2 weeks and i'll be able to get some of the rx's filled. i've decided i'm going to call my diabetic dr. and see if he can give me some insulin to get me through, i heard that this dr. will help when you need it so hopefully i can get it tomorrow.

I have no contact with my family, well my dad lives bout 2 hours away and i talk to my little sister every few months. we can't count on his family because they are in the same boat. and i don't want my kids being influenced right now with his sister. they are going there every weekend and dh won't stop it. i cna't hold them in the house or tie them to their beds but i did do something that may backfire on me to try to keep them from going but i'll just have to hold my breath and hope everything works out for the good.

Sometimes I can't help myself but i find i can help others. so you never know. just someone to talk to sometimes helps me get through my really rough times. I know tonight is going to be one of those rough times! It's going to be a looooooong night!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: sexy_sami
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 10:50am

Hi Robin,


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